1) "The back" is a magical space that contains every single item you could possibly think of, even the ones that are labelled out of stock.
2) Yes, Susan, it is 100% our fault that we can't accept your coupon that expired 3 weeks ago.
3) Also, feel free to let us know how many coupons you forgot to bring with you.
4) If an item doesn't scan, please inform us that it must be free, we've never heard that joke before.
5) If you make it all the way around the store then decide at the checkout you don't want something, don't strain yourself by putting it back in its correct location, abandon it on the side and we'll return it later. Especially frozen/refrigerated produce.
6) When we offer to help you pack your bags, please ask us if we can pay for your shopping for you too, it gets even funnier the 1000th time.
7) It is entirely our fault that we can't find "that thing off the telly, the one whatshername uses on the adverts".
8) The checkout operator has unlimited power when it comes to changing prices of items. That is the only reason that the price has gone up since you last came in three weeks ago.
9) Closing times are only a guideline, feel free to stroll in five minutes before we close, we'll happily stay behind and wait for you to do a week's worth of shopping despite us being open all day.
10) During the summer months, please keep all your money in your bra/socks, we love nothing more than the feel of sweaty notes/coins. Same goes for putting money/cards in your mouth.
11) Please keep reminding us how nice the weather is outside. We don't have lives of our own; we'd much rather stay in work and listen to you telling us about how warm it is, and all the barbecues you're having.
YOU ARE READING
The Life of a Retail WorkerHumor
For nearly four years now I've worked in retail, and everywhere I turned I've had people belittle it and call it an "easy option". My aim with this is to show you that not only is it not an easy option, but it can also be a bit of a laugh too.