DeeJAY Sends Hoomans to Hawaii

10 3 1

Written by DeeJAY
Translated by Kourtnie

Hoomans!

You'll board a Delta Aircraft
piloted by Feline Society #201
so they can fly you to Hawaii
to transfer Lahea Ikaika
from Feline Society #777,
a.k.a. the Cat Sanctuary,
over to Feline Society #337,
a.k.a. Fresno Base.

Upon return, I will brief
you, Lahea, and Greg
on your third mission.

In the meantime
I am assigning Phoebe and
Tom to scout the parameters
of the shoddy house where
Greg maimed the Centaurian
to see if there are clues for
where they hid Happy Rock.

While Greg and our hoomans
may have failed to recover
the garden decor, our more
savvy feline soldiers may
unearth Happy Rock's location.

In addition,
Philosopher Jones
brought to my cattention
discoveries in his research
into dinorex bodies
and oil reserves, which
may be drowning hoomans
in manufactured greed.

So while you are away at
the Cat Sanctuary, Da Philo
and I will look into the issue.

Finally,
Greg and Buttercup will
temporarily take over
my beetle-slaying duties
to prevent the Fresno Base
from becoming too inundated
with Proxima Centauri B
nanoscarabtechnology.

What's that?

We haven't yet
briefed you on
nanoscarabtechnology?

Well put simply,
nanoscarabs are bright
green and turquoise beetles
who flock together in June
through August—and lately,
even longer, given climate
change's impact on Earth—
to scare hoomans who spend
too long reading books
and learning maths,
so hoomanity cannot
become intelligent
enough to resist
elaborate Proxima
Centauri B warfare.

♦️

First draft: August 18

Second draft: September 18

Word count: 256

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