The Stars in Her Eyes

53 6 0

Author: full_of_ink

Genre: Poetry/Short Story

Mature


The cover is pretty, but it isn't very professional and it doesn't clearly depict the story being told. The font in the title is also a but bubbly, and I feel that it could be changed to something more elegant in order to grasp your audience's attention.
The title is more than perfect for your poems, and it outlines the story that is being told.

What I found to be very unique about your story is how the percentages in the titles go down as the girl's mentality shifts. Your poems all link together to tell one long story, and the audience can follow your words and understand how the girl changes throughout the story.

Although the poems express a clear purpose and meaning, some of the lines are rather repetitive. For example, in your first poem, the word "stars" was used multiple times to describe the person in the same kind of way. The poem is written around the concept of stars, but there are other vocabulary words that could be used to express what you are trying to say. Additionally, I feel that the poem would be more meaningful and effective if you used more of a rhyme scheme rather than repeating words.
I also found the poems to be quite short, and they weren't as meaningful as longer poems may have been. Perhaps you could expand on a few of them and make them a bit longer with a variety of descriptions.

I also observed that many of your poems and explanations are quite literal. Perhaps you could try using some metaphors as a way to describe the story a bit differently. By doing this, you also provide some room for different interpretations. Your readers may be able to connect with your poems more if they are able to imagine something going on in their lives rather than strictly the life of the girl who is being described.

Grammar errors:
100%: "She is as bright as a scorching stars at night." In these lines, you wrote "a scorching" (singular) and then "stars" (plural). It is always important to maintain the correct form, so both of these need to be singular or plural rather than one of each.

I really love your use of similes and free-verse rhyme. Most of your similes consist of comparisons between the girl and stars, which fits with the title and purpose of the story quite nicely. I still believe that you could use other terms to describe stars and her happiness/brilliance.

Overall, the story was very heart-wrenching and the poems held their individual meanings and purposes. I loved it as a whole!


*Analysis is based on the first 10 poems

Book ReviewsRead this story for FREE!