The Destroyer

Special Chapter 5: Jhaztine

Smartest Idiot,

Hi there. Maybe the moment you read this you’re already taken and I am happy for you. I wrote you this letter because I really don’t want to say goodbye to you personally. I just… well, it’s just hard to say goodbye. I hate farewells, just so you know. But this is not a goodbye letter… it is my confession.

A while ago, I saw Alex with your friends preparing her surprise for you. You should feel glad and don’t let her go, you asshole. She loves you so much. And so I threatened her, I told her that I’ll confess to you too. And she’s really mad. I am just actually goofing around but I thought that why don’t I really do it? Don’t let your forehead crease; what I am going to say is just simple so take a deep breath, okay?

I love you.

Yeah, I find it funny too. I shouldn’t be feeling this way, right? But this is your entire fault! You’re too sweet, too gentle, you can handle whatever trip is on my mind, you’re funny without you noticing it, you’re just… you’re just an ideal guy and I am just a girl who fell in love with her friend. It sucks. Don’t worry, I am not the type who will grieve over a handsome guy like you, you wish. I am smarter than that. That day you asked me to go with you here, all I thought is that you’ll just use me to make her jealous, to make her come back to you but in the end I found out that my role here is to be a friend for the person I am in love with. I was there when you’re in pain, I was there when you cried, I was there to love you and you were there to love her. Tbh, it fuckin’ hurts me to see you sad and hurt. I can’t demand you to love me, to choose me, instead of her if she’s just hurting you because I know you can’t. I am not that stupid. Maybe, if there’s one thing I am better than you, that’ll be in taking risk. I took the risk of getting hurt, of not winning you, just so I can be with you even in just a short time.

Don’t feel guilty, moron. Going with you is not your fault, it is my choice. I don’t regret anything because I know I left you happy in her arms.

Did you follow what’s in the note? I did that in case you thought of seeing me first than her so that in the end it is still her you’re going to end up with. She’s so sweet, you’re a lucky dumbass.

Jsyk, I didn’t enroll for the first semester because it was my plan. I am so smart, yeah? By the way, let her see your sketches, I know she’ll love to know that she’s your favorite subject. You’re fuckin’ artistic.

I want you to be happy.

Ciao,

Jhaztine

PS. I kinda feel like more stupid because I am in love with an idiot. Ugh.

PPS. DON’T YOU DARE TELL TO OUR FRIENDS WHAT I WROTE HERE. I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.

Others say that they love me because I always smile.

When I met him, it felt surreal. I felt like we're in movies at that time. Just like in Miley's song, "If we were a movie, you'd be the right guy and I'll the best friend that you'll fall in love with." I thought that I will never get close with someone who's quiet and geek, but yeah, my thought failed me because I met him and I fell in love with him. Such a bullshit, right? It is bullshit to fall for someone who you know that will not catch you, not in a million years.

Noong nabunggo kita, parang puso ko naman ang binunggo mo. Natutuwa ako 'pag kasama ka kasi lagi mo akong kino-kontra. Lagi mo akong pinagsasabihan na parang tatay kita. Madalas nila tayong tuksuhin kasi mukha raw tayong mag-On, mag-Off kaya tayo 'di ba? Oo na, corny.

It hurts me when you smile and that is something different from the movies. Sa iba kasi ‘pag ngumiti ‘yung taong gusto nila, kinikilig or lalong na-i-in love, ako kasi hindi eh. Nasasaktan ako kasi alam kong hindi ka naman talaga masaya. Alam kong kahit magkalayo na kayo, nasasaktan ka pa rin. Alam kong kahit anong tago mo sa nararamdaman mo, hindi pa rin siya naaalis sa sistema mo.