The first hardest part of getting sober isn't actually getting sober. It's the fact that because you are sober you have to figure out what's reality and what isn't. You have to face the people who've always been blurred; the voices that you don't remember the next morning.
Its actually rather sad, alcoholism. Looking up at the people who saw you when you couldn't see them. Having to speak to people when you couldn't speak back.
Could they even understand me, now that my voice isn't sloppy?
The silence that you never had to bare is suddenly consuming you. Your mind races and all you can think is
I need a drink
You wake up and wonder why you don't have a hangover, you don't have to drink again to make it go away.
That is the reality that you grew used to. Your life was supposed to be like that. It's always been like that.
Actually, being sober is nice. The cravings that controlled your mind slowly begin to fade. Except, when you check your phone, you're alone. You never talk to anyone, anymore. The people who used to text you, telling you they'd throw in on a bottle, suddenly disappeared.
Is that what its like being sober? You lose the people who you thought were the most important in your life?
You run back to the ones that begged you to stop. You'll run back to exes who gave you every part of them asking for another chance, that this time you'll do everything right. I mean, you're sober now, that's got to be the reason everything fell apart.
You start blaming how shitty your life is on the fact that you drank everything away. You blame the way you laid your hands on your loved one because you weren't aware.
That isn't me, you'll tell yourself over and over again.
You soon realize that... it actually is you.
The hardest part of being sober, is figuring out what's reality and what isn't.
That's why you always fail. You give up on trying to figure out why everyone left, why your 'friends' only hit you up when it's time to drink.
You just want friends
People to rely on when you're down, people to fall asleep next to
You're never awake enough to notice that one night stands are emotionless. You never realize that you're alone; you've always been alone.
You crave warmth
The first shot of vodka every night is the warmth you've grown so attached to. The warmth you've always known
Reality wasn't worth it, it wasn't worth giving up the only warmth that never left you.
The hardest part of being an alcoholic isn't getting sober.
It's the lack of loving yourself.
The lack of warmth and connection.
Sobriety is a gift, only for the people who grew up living.
The dead can only feel cold, so why would we give up the only thing that helps us feel so...
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Why give up the things like make you feel warmth? Why give up the self-destructive nature just to feel cold again? Warmth is a craving for the dead, the living just cannot understand. Maybe that's why we're always forgotten and left 6ft underground.