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However, little changed at Buchenwald: new faces, same roles. Same torture, same experiments, same haunted eyes of other subjects, same childlike glee in the doctors. It was just done on a smaller, "more personal" scale than at Dachau.

It was not until somewhere in the middle of 1944 that the men running the experiments seemed to decide they had perhaps got all they could out of me for data, and they released me to work in the clay pits on 'watch', with all their chemicals and alterations in my body to see if I changed much or showed differences from other prisoners and homosexuals working there.

It was hell.

Now that I did not have Italy with me, I could receive the treatment of a true homosexual prisoner: the most dangerous labor assignments, where one of us may be flattened in a mess of squashed brains and blown blood because a cart we were pushing up a hill got away from us; the frequent checks at night for masturbators, with the punishment being the chance to stand outside for hours in the night after being doused in water so we could contract bronchitis and watch ice grow on the window panes until we either died or were brought back inside;  the forbidden contact with other groups-whom we might turn to our perverted ways-though that did not stop them from "reeducating" us themselves; the officers who preyed on us for a bit of fun from their favorites, before discarding those they grew bored of; the promises from the SS that we could leave now, just walk in that direction, and then just one shot-it'd be quick and painless in comparison to the alternative of working to death.

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