Dearest, Soulmate (Jamilton)

10. Dearest, Fake Love Notes

Jefferson

Thomas yanked the ball from the air and tucked it under his arm, trying his best to slide as someone came at him. Of course, his foot wasn't willing to cooperate with his head, so he fell. He wasn't going to deny the fact that he was out of his groove during practice. All day he'd been trying to think why he opened up to John, if only a little. Sure, he wanted answers about what would happen to him, but it's not like they were too high to be rational about some things (like keeping life deciding characteristics away from the conversation). But for some reason, it just slipped out. 

Coach Washington blew his whistle and immediately everyone was heading back toward the building. Thomas followed suit, but something stopped him.

"Jefferson!" Washington called, waving the boy over. 

Thomas sprinted over. He tried moving his foot as much as he could to get rid of the soreness that was already starting to pop up. 

"You wanna explain what's goin' on?" The coach asked. He sounded more annoyed than he did worried. 

"Sorry, sir," Thomas started as he quickly tried to think of something. "I had a rough night." 

"Leave it off the field then, kid. The game's coming up here soon." 

"I know, Coach, I'm really trying here." 

"Trying doesn't win the game, son." 

Thomas irritatedly walked back to the building to get changed and catch a ride home after he was waved off without another word. As usual, he was looking forward to the ride back home with Mary. She was usually the one to pick him up and they always took a detour through the frozen yogurt shop. She says it isn't to celebrate anything except for everything, which sounds like something you'd find on a fake-deep Tumblr post, but she said it every time. It was just sort of her thing. 

As Thomas got out of the building again, he saw John and Hamilton walking a little ways in front of him. He hoped they wouldn't stop to talk to him when they crossed paths. He knew Alexander wouldn't, but John was up for debate at this point. Especially after the stunt Jefferson pulled the night before. 

As he approached them, John smiled, which was pretty normal, but Hamilton stared more than he glared. It was almost as if he was looking over Thomas for some sort of change that he couldn't figure out. 

 Or John told him about Thomas not having a soulmate and he was trying to see if it was true. 

Thomas wanted to make a run for it and hope to anything that they didn't chase him, but as soon as they were close enough John stopped. Thomas, not wanting to be rude, stopped with him. 

"Hey, Laf wanted me to give this to you," was all he said before holding a folded piece of notebook paper like they were in second-grade trading love notes. 

"Why didn't he just give it to me himself?" Thomas asked suspiciously. 

John only shrugged and started walking again. That was it. That was the whole conversation. Not even a smart remark from Alexander, though Thomas could tell he was holding it in.

Thomas had never walked away from the two so fast in all the time he'd known them. He could imagine one of them looking back at him, confused, but he didn't care. He couldn't stand the thought of Hamilton knowing and after what he said when Thomas was over to study? Jefferson could only imagine what would happen if Hamilton got his hands on that. 

As he got to the car, he realized his day was just going to be completely off. Instead of Mary sitting in the driver's seat, it was Jane. Which Thomas wasn't complaining about, he loved Jane just the same, she just wasn't his usual ride. 

"Hey, Tommy," she greeted happily. "How was your day?" 

"Same as usual," he replied, throwing his back into the backseat as he sat next to Jane. "Where's Mary?" 

Jane's face twisted to an emotion that Thomas was sure wasn't something he was going to like. 

"I wanted to talk to you today, so she stayed home." 

"Talk to me about what?" 

Another thing Thomas didn't like was the fact that they were still sitting in the same spot. Jane hadn't started driving yet. He went over everything wrong that he'd done recently, but it wasn't much. He could only think of having John over in the middle of the night, that might have upset Jane, but even then it wasn't particularly serious. 

"I heard you talking to Mary the other day. . ." 

"Okay?" 

"How long have you known?" 

Thoams was trying to think of what she could have heard when he was talking to Mary, and then it hit him. Still, though, he didn't respond in time, so she continued. 

"About not having a soulmate." 

"I know what you meant," he spat. Then he thought that was a little harsh since she was probably just trying to be there for him. "I don't know. . . Since I was maybe seven? Maybe eight." 

"And you never told anyone?" 

"Other than Mary? No." 

"Mama doesn't know?" 

Thomas shook his head. There have been times when he wanted to tell his mama about not having a soulmate and being different from everyone else, but he just couldn't. Every time he went to say something, she'd say something to make him change his mind. 

Surprisingly, Jane left the conversation there. Typically she would have pushed on or convinced him to tell their mother, but she didn't. She just pulled out of the school's parking lot and they went directly home. 

Once he was in the comfort of his room, though, Thomas's relief at not being pressured into telling his Mama was shortlived. He remembered the note that John had handed him sitting in his pocket. The only reason he hadn't opened it until that point was that he felt it wasn't all that important. 

Once he opened the note and actually read through it, he realized how wrong he was and wished he hadn't read it at all. It was a simple note, just telling him where to meet John in the next few hours, but somehow it seemed like the message was more urgent than anything. Meaning, he'd probably end up staying up all night just to see if everything was okay. 

He decided he could worry about homework later and flopped onto his bed for a midafternoon nap. He tried forcing himself to not think about the fact that two, potentially three, new people knew about him not having a soulmate. It was literally the biggest thing that he never wanted anyone to know, and now more people knew. People that he couldn't fully trust knew. John wasn't clear on his beliefs about soulmates, he could turn Thomas into the authorities and who knows what happens after that. 

Maybe, Thomas would end up like the poor guy in the house that "died." He couldn't stand the thought of that. Just because he didn't have a built-in lover, didn't mean he was worth less as a person, right? 

As Thomas slowly fell asleep, he tried thinking of things that could solve his problems, but he couldn't think of any.