I AM (Connor X OC) - DBH

Chapter 70 - Deliberate Loss

Hey everyone!

Going to take a little break (about 3 days), because I'm starting my first week of college. After today's post (August 19), I will return in a few days (August 23). By then, I will not only have gotten used to college life for the most part but will also have a large stack of chapters set up.

Anyway, thank you guys so much for your support!

--Andrea Elk

~

Nick gave me a ride to work, which was incredibly more awkward than I was expecting, but I suppose after our conversation tonight, everything will be a lot less...crazy. I mean...save for the obvious. I walked into Jericho, and walked to the precinct? Office? Station? What do you call this? As I was checking the sign, the RK900 opened the door.

"I saw you through the window, Charlotte," he called from a distance.

"What do we call this?" I asked.

"The security station is considered a precinct of Detroit Police Department. In fact, this is Precinct 999."

"999?"

"Yes. 999. Markus feels dehumanized by it," Con continued.

"Of course he does. He's Markus. It's his job," I explained sighing. I threw my hands into my bomber jacket and walked inside.

"How did the case go?" I asked.

"I finished it an hour after you left. The case was easily closed thanks to a rather intense interrogation process." 

Did...did the RK900 torture someone? "You didn't threaten him, did you?" I asked.

"No," he said simply. "There were no threats involved."

Okay. I know I run this place, but this seems like the time I walk away and don't ask any more questions. "Um...Great! How would you like a new case?" I offered.

"Of course," He answered. He's so absolutely not Connor, but also completely absolutely Connor. Like...some strange version. Maybe the CR400 is something like this. Some sort of hyper calculative Charlotte. Maybe she's me when Cyberlife was taking me over. Or...more accurately...if I had been completely been taken over. 

I walked back to my office, with Con following. I walked in the door, where I saw Markus sitting on the edge of the desk. He was talking to North, who looked a bit frustrated. "North...listen," Markus said calmly. Then he turned to me and noticed me. "Charlotte. You can help me here."

Oh, hell no. 

"Okay, no way I am taking sides in this."

North turned to me and laughed. "We're not arguing. Just having a...competitive discussion," she said smiling, as though that weren't complete bullshit.

"What's the question at hand?" I asked, sighing. 

"Are you enjoying this job?" Markus asked quite seriously. 

"I'm getting used to it," I answered, trying to put on a smile. In all honesty, it's not my favorite, but I want to try it.

"Is it boring you?" North asked seriously.

"No! No, not at all," I explained. Well, yes. It is actually, but I don't know yet. "I can't make a valid, true, or even mildly appropriate opinion yet."

Markus sighed, before looking at me quite seriously. "Charlotte, those are android words. An android statement. Think deviant. Tell me what you want to say."

"I can't. I don't know yet."

"What's in your heart?"

"I don't know, Markus. Can we stop pressing the topic?" I asked.

"Of course," Markus said, sighing. "Just...don't forget that you're deviant, Charlotte. No one is going to forget that you are trying to discover yourself, while everyone else has had at least a month headstart."

I mean, sure, we can say that. I'm sure even Connor is having trouble realizing who he is right now. Well...does he? He's always been rather self-assured. Those moments of deviancy were overwhelming for him, and confusing for him, but that's because he was so absolutely positive that he was not deviant. So now, I guess he's absolutely positive and convinced of his deviancy. I think about how he's always so able to answer my questions so quickly, especially when they pertain to our relationship. Maybe...Connor doesn't ever question who he is...

God, you'll make yourself sick, Charlotte. Wait...I'm a deviant, not human. Although...I do feel rather queasy just trying to understand Connor. I think I'm stuck with him now. Like we're attached at the hip. A human will date someone, break up with them, and try to never see them again. Sometimes, anyway. But if they break up with someone, they hope one day they forget about them, or forget their face, or don't always search a crowd when they see a similar haircut. The reality is though, that you're stuck with this memory, and this feeling of this person. Maybe when that person dies or completely disappears from your life that feeling goes away. Maybe you don't have to worry about that lingering touch. For an android though...that's permanent. The lingering touch, the memories that make your mind wander and question what could've been, and the implication that this person still wanders the world. The implication that this person lies in the bed with another, or that maybe they've forgotten about you, is intoxicating. It's infuriating. It's confusing and overwhelming. 

Fuck. You just said you'll make yourself sick, Charlotte. Now, I feel like vomiting. Just thinking about the idea that the only life I've known could uproot itself. During the revolution, I was grounded by Connor. Waking up, I was grounded by Connor. Even right now, I'm grounded by Connor. The idea of him...walking out. Moving away. Breaking my heart. That...it terrifies me. 

"Charlotte," I heard Markus say. He was shaking me. 

"Fuck. I'm sorry," I mumbled. 

"Your LED was red. For like...2 minues straight," Markus said calmly. North was gently touching my arm. 

"I'm sorry. I got distracted. I don't know quite what did it...but my mind started racing. I have work to do. Cases to assign. I'll speak with you if I change my mind, Markus," I explained. I sighed and sat down at the desk. Markus looked a bit concerned but left out none the less. North looked at me confused before she nodded in some sort of confirmation of a theory.

"Connor, wasn't it?" She asked simply.

"What?" I asked.

"Markus is good at faces. Reading people, you know? It surprises me that he couldn't read you like a book just then. Maybe it's a girl thing though," North said shrugging. 

"Is what a girl thing?"

"That expression. That reaction. You're afraid to lose him, aren't you?" North asked, leaning forward and touching my arm.

"Who isn't? Who isn't afraid to lose someone they care about?"

"No...I don't mean...I don't mean that he dies. That just isn't a concern for androids, really. So...for us, a loss is so much more deliberate. So much more forceful, and impactful, because it really means that the world is acting against us," North explained.

"North...I should really just get to assigning the cases," I explained, reaching into the desk.

"Charlotte, you can't shut people out. We're here to remind you."

"Remind me of what?"

"Your deviancy," North explained. "But for now, it seems like you're dead set on blocking out whatever it was that had you so worked up. Maybe Nick will force it out of you."

"You've met Nick?" I questioned.

"Yes, of course. With Doctor Lance and all. That's against the point though. I know that if anyone will knock some sense into you, it's him. But...let's get to it, eh?" North offered.

"Let's."