We Are Vongola

Bad Romance

Summary: In order to strike an alliance, Vongola will have to take any measure possible with the other's boss . . . who happens to have an apparent infatuation with Tsuna. Unfortunately. Cue overprotective Guardians. Crack.

A/N: So . . . it's been around 27 one-shots since I wrote crack, huh?

. . . please accept my attempt at a crackfic. It's been 27 one-shots, after all.

• • •

When Tsuna thinks he's seen it all, life finds a way to surprise him, preferably by ruining his own life.

This one comes in form of an actual person, rather than an attack, which, ironically, is so much harder to deal with. He wishes he could console his life, and ask it what was wrong so it could stop hurting him in its recovery.

Now, the situation at hand was fickle: it was an agreement for an alliance. Tsuna's done alliances before. Usually, they breezed right past him. One of his Guardians — friends, but the task at hand required them to uphold their position — would stand behind him and he would just talk to them about it. Like a casual conversation over a cup of coffee, except that it was in a meeting room where the enemy may have the upper advantage.

They never do utilize it.

Tsuna would talk, smile at them, and they would just agree, like civilized people.

"It was . . . actually pretty easy," he would later remark to Reborn after his first alliance was made. His tutor would smirk, to much of his confusion.

"Of course; you are the tenth heir of Vongola," Reborn had offered. "Vongola is not known for weaklings."

In all of his seventeen years, this chat, which would usually take a little over an hour, depending on the famiglia, was the most horrendous one he's ever been in. The most awkward, counting his years back in middle school, before Reborn had changed his life, admittedly, for the better.

(Sometimes, Tsuna has nightmares about those days. He wakes up crying from the sheer embarrassment of his past).

"If you want my famiglia to form an alliance, I want to compromise," the boss was saying. Pietro Caputo. He was a few years older than Tsuna — twenty-three, from his knowledge. A sizable famiglia with weapons and intelligence that could not be used for destruction. But what he was proposing was preposterous; hadn't they agreed on exchanging knowledge?

An advisor that stood behind the boss walked up to whisper in his ear, but the young man pushes him back, hushing him.

"This is what I want. I've already given the terms for our needs." Tsuna did not miss the change of words, nor did he ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach and his intuition, which was warning him wildly, clanging in his mind like a bell from a clock tower.

"Are you changing our agreement?" Hayato demands, stepping up from behind. Tsuna brings out a hand, stopping him from appearing any more threatening. They needed this alliance.

The boss waves off his hand. "We'll balance it out — we'll give more than our fair share of weapon blueprints, and some information about the enemy."

Clicking his tongue, Hayato backs off when Tsuna stares at him, silently pleading that he stay quiet. This was more than what they had initially hoped for, and everyone in the room knew it.

"And what is it that you want?" Tsuna asks, treading carefully. The bell clangs louder.

"I want three dates with whomever I choose from Vongola," the boss grins. Tsuna suppresses a shiver, feeling like a prey caught in the hands of a predator. Worst of all, he had a sneaking suspicion on who this unfortunate person could be.