18 (Luwoo)

12 everlasting

The sun was slowly moving towards Malibu hills when Lucas was sitting in the shadow of the house wall watching the stairs, wishing for Natasha to appear. She had to, it was the perfect timing as Jungwoo had went out for a walk with Snoopy and she was always using his absence to place the red flower on the doormat.

Why was he waiting for her in the first place? To tell her what? Was it even worth, he wondered, but the gate squealed so he raised his head. She was wearing shorts over a bikini, he saw her blonde hair reflected by the afternoon sun, she ran up the stairs kneeling down placing the flower in front of the door then moving an envelope underneath it. What! Lucas jumped up feeling cold sweat, his heart starting to beat uncontrollably.

"Tasha hey!" he said causing her to jump up.

"What?" she asked looking at him unpleasantly.

"Hey, don't leave the message ok?" He muttered stopping in the middle of the stairs.

"Why?" She pouted her lips.

"Just don't do it to Jungwoo, please," he begged.

"I want him to know!"

"No, Tash please, leave it I'm begging you!" Lucas took a long breath.

"Why?" he saw tears filling her eyes.

"It's complicated."

"If you have nothing to say..." one tear rolled down her cheek and he looked away, he hated it.

"Can we maybe go for a drink and talk, just take the letter with you."

She was fighting with the tears biting her lower lip trying her best to hold them.

"Ok," she muttered leaning down for the envelope, grabbing it under her arm.

"I'll change, meet me at the promenade," she said passing him the running out of the garden, she slammed the gate so hard it stayed open.

The moon was out, Marvin was sleeping in his bed when Jaehyun tiptoed to the bathroom closing himself in it. He hated himself, he hated everything, his skin burning, he was disgusted with it, he could peel it of with his own fingers. He had had sex with random guys before, just so, for fun, when being down or out of frustration, but it was all before Taeyong had touched him like that. All before he had tested how making love with the only one was. He opened the water stream in the shower leaving it clod, grabbing the wall as he was shivering madly. Out of revenge, yes he had been touching Marvin to hurt Taeyong... or hurt himself as Taeyong had no idea, probably will never find out. He slammed the wall with his fist trying to find some release for his pain, but it wasn't there, he has never felt that bad, that dirty, that weak, that disgusting in his own skin. He started to rub it clean with the shower gel yet the feeling of strange didn't want to leave. It was all Taeyong's fault and Lucas's for leaving him, they gave him no choice, he was so lonely, so broken, he needed someone, he needed to believe he can be with someone different than Taeyong, he could be physically, but it has never changed the fact he wasn't there at all.

Jaehyun left the shower cabin wrapping a towel around his waist, stumbling to the wash basin, watching the sharp edge of the razor that was lying on the shelf above it. It could be so easy, no one will find him, no one will see, Marvin won't even call the police, or will he? No, he will run as they will accuse him. They will find traces of them having forced sex. He inhaled sharply. No more pain, no more Taeyong, no more daydreams about meeting him, about his kisses, his arms, his warm skin, about the night they had. Just end of pain, freedom, was there even a reason to stay here, at all? He had nothing apart from money, the last person he had cared for has abandoned him. Jaehyun trembled moving his hand towards the blade touching it with his fingertip.