Feel It Still

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It was a normal dance day: we go and learn a routine, dance for it for the cameras, and do it all over again. Except, this was at the same time, not a normal dance day. This was a dance day for Brian Friedman. This was a big deal.

I met up with The Outlaws early that morning to learn the dance prior to class, therefore, we could help Brian teach and help the students. The dance was to Feel It Still, and it was immensely fun to perform.

This was set up to be a great day.


The way these classes worked was that The Outlaws were filmed to preview the dance, and then everyone else learned the dance and performed it for the cameras later.

"Kaycee, center. Maddie, switch with Sean. Thank you, alright, let's film this thing!" Brian set the stage and everyone applauded. Applause always empowered me. Made me smile, made me stronger, made me want to perform more than I already did.

We were given a "lights, camera, action", and the camera started rolling. The music started, and all of us started our improv section. I was dancing, I was having a great time, but all of a sudden, when our camera man got closer to my face for somewhat of a drama shot, everything started to freeze. Including myself. I just stopped. An entire class of students, who were looking up to the group, as well as Brian Friedman, were all standing around me as I froze. I had never gotten camera shy before, and this wasn't the time to be getting camera shy.

In an instant, the room started spinning, and my arms went to my chest. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear anything but my heartbeat like a drum right in my ears.

"Cut this! Turn this camera off!" Brian exclaimed, and all eyes landed on me. "Kaycee? Kaycee, can you hear me?" I still stayed frozen. A sudden motion out of the corner of my eye made my head snap around to where Sean was standing. I saw him whisper something, and then in a blur, Sean and I were sitting in another solo studio; used for working one on one with choreographers.

"Kayce? Look at me, please." Sean told me, calmly. He grabbed both of my hands and my eyes dropped to where his thumb was running across my knuckles. He went to tilt my chin up, but I flinched back. "I won't hurt you. Come here." Sean wrapped me up in a tight hug and started to gently rock me back and forth. "You're okay, you're okay." He whispered in my ear as tears started flowing down my cheeks.

"I-I can't be doing this!" I shrieked, tearing myself from the hug and starting to pace. My fingers started tangling in the roots of my hair. Sean came and touched the tops of my arms when my grip started tightening.

"Stop! Stop! Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself!" Sean exclaimed and lowered my hands from my head. "It's going to be okay. What's bringing all of this on?"

Tears still fell down my cheeks as I looked up at Sean. "I just don't want to disappoint, and...and Brian put me front and center, and I just...I got scared!" I exclaimed, hiccups from all my crying were punctuating my words.

Sean's face fell. "No, no, no, no, Kaycee, you will never disappoint any of us. Not me, not Maddie, not those students, not Brian, not anyone. It's okay to be camera shy, I mean, he did get close, and that is scary. And I know it's a big project you were worried about, but Kaycee, you are a breathing masterpiece, and I cannot wait to see what you'll do when you start believing that. You're going to be something amazing." Sean smiled. "Now, come here." He wrapped me in another hug and kissed the top of my head as my tears started to subside.


After some water and a few more forehead kisses, we all got back to dancing. Brian reassured everyone that I'd be okay and that we'd still be dancing. And we were given another "lights, camera, action" and the camera started rolling.


A/N: Here's the dance this is based on! I hope you enjoyed it! Xoxo! ❤

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