1) Mr. Dad meet Deadpool

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It was probably a bad idea to be here. He was almost sure of that when he heard Mr. Stark groan and make his way towards the infirmary rooms. Spiderman looked back at the groaning masked man, missing the left half of his body, on the table then rushed out to guard the door and stall his mentor.

"Listen, Pete, this whole thing you're doing right now is suspicious," Tony said, trying to stay calm and rubbing a hand down his seemingly tired face. Then he caught sight of the kid. "For fucks- Kid, you have to tell people when you're hurt. I know you heal fast, but something could be-"

Peter Parker was a bright kid, okay. He was practically a prodigy but he could not figure out for the life of him why Mr. Stark would think he was hurt. Then he noticed all the blood on his suit. His eyes widened comically behind his mask as he shook his head and motioned down at himself, cutting off the lecture Mr. Stark was surely trying to give him.

"I'm not- it's just- this isn't my blood!" he finally stuttered out.

"Not your-"

"I know you don't like people this deep in the tower, but my friend was hurt while we were on patrol and I didn't know where else to go so I brought him here, but-"

Tony stepped around him, and pushed into the room, not even bothering to ask why Peter was even still wearing his mask.

"Holy shit, you're Tony Stark," Deadpool said sitting up excitably and peeking over Tony's shoulder to stare at Spiderman. "Webs you didn't tell me you knew Tony Stark. Does that mean you're an Avenger too? I'm dating an Avenger, just wait till my therapist finds out."

"Dating!?" Mr. Stark said out loud, much too loud for Peter who was still recovering from whatever bomb had blown half of DP to bits. He shakes his head viciously.

"Ignore him, that's what I usually do."

"Sweets, you couldn't ignore me if you tried." Even with his mask on, Peter could tell the other man was grinning.

"He likes to follow me around," Peter felt it important to stress that they weren't together. He was still trying to ask MJ out on a date in a way that didn't come across as two friends just hanging out. He was still in high school, he couldn't just date a superhero. Or whatever Deadpool was. "We don't even know each other's identities we just patrol together sometimes."

"Webs, we're like soulmates!"

Peter was blushing under the mask but shook his head nonetheless.

"He's kidding," Peter clarified, "He's married to like the Goddess of the Underworld or something."

Tony was nodding, but he still had his eyes narrowed at the slowly regenerating man in front of him, that was giddily looking between them. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Is there a reason he looks like he merged with a baby alive?"

"There was a bomb just off of 164th, near the hospital," Peter said mumbling.

"I told you I'm fine, Webs. You couldn't have known," Deadpool said in that way that told Peter he was most definitely grinning."Anything for the love of my life, eh?"

"Stop saying things like that. I should have known better. There was a bomb and I didn't sense anything and then he-" Peter looked away from both of the men in front of him. "He stepped on it, but he said not to take him inside the hospital."

"Crazy ex," Deadpool said through a groan and gritted teeth as his arm went through another growth spurt. "Wouldn't have been pretty."

Peter snorted.

"I'll have Happy send someone out to check the rest of the area," Tony said, not taking his eyes off of the man on his exam table. "Underoos, go wait in the hall."

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