18.

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"What did you do yesterday?", Ryan asked me while we sat in his room.

"I-I hung o-out with J-jon. I-I f-found him i-in the f-forest."

"In the forest?"

"H-he was t-tied d-down b-by a f-few g-guys f-from h-his school."

"Oh, poor guy. It must be hard being bullied at your own school. I'm glad I never was a victim", he said, "do you know what it's like?"

I nod silently looking at his bed sheets.

"Oh, sorry. I should stop mentioning stuff like this", he said obviously becoming nervous.

"I-Its o-ok. They s-stopped, b-because they're n-now s-scared o-of m-me", I said smiling to myself. I found it kinda amusing how they don't wanna touch me anymore because they think I would kill them.

"Well at least they don't hurt you anymore", he said, "but if they do anything to you again, tell me please. I won't judge. You can trust me."

I gulped and smiled. Can I really trust him? Maybe I should. If I don't know who I can trust, I'll be lonely. Maybe I should risk it. He said he won't judge. And I do trust him.

"H-he w-was m-my b-best friend. P-pete w-was h-his n-name. W-we knew u-us s-since K-kindergarten a-and w-we d-did everything t-together. Then there w-were this a-adults. They b-bullied u-us s-sometimes, b-but w-we h-had u-us. O-one d-day they t-tied m-me d-down u-under the b-bridge a-and they threw m-my t-shirt n-next t-to the s-sea. I-it w-was c-cold a-and r-rainy. I-i s-started c-crying. And P-Pete w-wanted t-to h-help m-me, b-but they g-grabbed h-him a-and p-punched h-him c-causing h-him t-to f-fall o-on the g-ground. S-something w-was w-wrong with h-his a-ankle, b-but h-he g-got u-up a-and t-told m-me h-he w-will h-help m-me. Then h-he r-ran a-away i-into the forest. H-he t-tripped o-over h-his f-feed a-and f-fell d-down the h-hill. H-he w-was f-found d-dead a-after a-a few d-days", I explained looking at my hands in my lap.

Ryan wrapped his arms carefully around me and pulled me closer to him.

This time I let him hug me, I hugged back and before I even realised it, the tears were already falling down.
I never told anybody what really happened this day. I never spoke about that before.

"Shhhhh, it's ok", Ryan whispered while I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I-I m-miss h-him", I sobbed.

"I know. Of course you miss him, that's understandable", he said starting to stroke my hair like he did the other day. I liked it when he does this.

After a few minutes I let go of him. He wiped my tears with his thumb away, causing my cheeks to go slightly red.

"And what happened to you? After he ran away?", he asked after I calmed down a bit.

"They r-ran a-away a-and l-left m-me there for f-four hours i-i think. I-i m-managed t-to c-cut the r-rope with a stone. I-i r-ran i-into the f-forest t-to f-find him, b-but h-he wasn't there, s-so I-i w-went home. H-he w-was f-found f-four d-days l-later."

"Brendon, I'm so sorry", Ryan said. His eyes were watery, does he want to cry? He doesn't need to cry. It happened to me, not to him. I don't wanna see him sad.

"I-i n-never t-told a-anyone b-before. I-i w-was 13, s-since then I-i d-didnt h-have s-someone."

"You have me now", Ryan said smiling at me.

He was right. I had him now and the fact that he admitted it right now released a warm feeling in me I couldn't catch.

"I-i have y-you n-now", I whispered to myself, leaning on his shoulder.

*******

I drew Ryan, and I'm actually pretty proud of the drawing.

<3

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