When i thought things got better, they couldn't get any worse...my Dad had relapsed. He promised he wouldn't drink again but he did. He said his time was up and that he wanted to rest, get away from all the pain and the hurt of this world. I see where i got my depression from now, it was my Dad.
A few days later my mum decides to visit after hearing what he had been talking about ( she lives in another town because she works there so we stay with my dad ). Mothers are the strongholds of every family. A mother is like the trunk of a tree, without the trunk, the tree has no meaning. To any mother reading this or mothers to be, you are special to us and you matter, without you there is no meaning to life.
I really thank God for my mother because she, unlike any other woman out there has gone through alot of shit just to make her family what they are today. She tells me everyday, "My daughter, please work hard, i don't want you to depend on someone to make you happy, i want you to live your life stress free, i dont want to see you go through with what i have to go through. If it wasn't for my children, i would have left your father but because i love you and i want to get the best for you". Well i might not be the smartest girl and i may not have the perfect grades but i will try my best to make you proud mum ❤ because i love you❤.
She helped my Dad get his shit together and now i guess he's okay. For those who don't know i'm 17 and i've been through hell and back at an early age and most people don't believe that. Most people think i'm naive or that i have a soft heart or that i forgive easy, of which i dreadfully hate. The reason whyi forgive easy and have a kind heart is that i have seen too much to be able not to forgive and not to love. I love because noones ever shown me love and i wouldn't want them to end up a broken soul as i am. I hope you got that straight.
At the moment i thank God that i found someone who gives me the fair share of love and affection i deserved to get from over the years. If this is what it feels like to love anf get the same back then it feels fucking amazing.
My life is quite messed up, as you can see, and it's really hard to write about it and i know theres so many like me out there who go through fire naked and feel the burn but once you find your relief everything will be alright, well for those who really know me know that i write to let go or draw to find peace. If you're reading this and going through the same thing i'd say you find your relief the best way possible and which is by letting go.
As we come to the end of July, i have learnt something. Not everyones going to love you for who you are and i'm grateful for the few that do, the few friends that i have, well i have alot of friends but they aren't my friends because they're never there for me. Get you a friend who will take a matatu ( some form of public transport 😂 ) all the way to your house just to be with you when you're down. We might not talk everyday but i love those who i keep close to me, i really do.
July, i have alot more to say but you have been the most trying month of them all but thank you for teaching me all that i have learnt this month ❤
