sixty one

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chapter 61
"to Jimmy"

christmas dinners and lamp lit rooms
are somehow the things that remind me of you
the smell of sulphur and the sound of the moon
give me a reason to go on without you

i may have never met you
but your presence is forever with my soul
i may not have memories with you
but i'm good at imagining so

scrolling down my face is a tear
as I glare at my broken home
so badly wishing you were here
I am sick of feeling alone
nothing makes sense, nothings clear
but I know it would all be alright if you were here

I want to see your eyes lit up by birthday candles
and your feet bouncing in your holiday sandals

I want to see you across the table
on my twenty first birthday
I want to see you greeting your wife since you're finally able to
I want to see you front row at my wedding
cracking a joke about the venue
or talking to my mother
I want to see you covering your face with a menu
and I want no other
just you.

I want you to pick me up in your vintage car
and show me where you grew up
i wish you weren't so far
but you flew up
many years ago
and I am left with the emptiness
of never having you
not even a little bit
so I live in the hope to see you when I die
with the angels, and you.

hopefully that feeling comforts you
if my world wasn't so late
maybe I'd have met you
see you soon Jimmy.

—a.m

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