Dad Jokes

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Why do teens group up in threes?


Because they can't even


Tony: In able to have a party in space you have to planet

Steve: A clown held the door for me. I thought that was a nice jester

Bucky: The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one Byte. And then everything crashed.

Loki: This guy had his whole left side cut off. He's all right now

Shuri: This guy got hit in the head with a soda. He was lucky it was a soft drink

Stephen: "Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible" "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

Natasha: Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

Wanda: I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was the darkest time of my life.

Vision: My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

Bruce: Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Clint: Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Sam: I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

Thor: The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

Peter: A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

Gamora: I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Quill: Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Wade: What's the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.

Drax: To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!

Mantis: What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"

Rocket: I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

Groot:At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?

T'Challa: My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

Hela: R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

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