How to be Miss Popular [ON HOLD]

Tip 11: Welcome failure

I should have known better. Nothing can be changed. The past is in the past

11. Welcome failure

The look in Melody's eyes when I entered our D and T class on Monday assured me that she had heard of the partner swap

I started walking to where Zara was sitting but when I caught a glimpse of his shaggy brown hair I retraced my steps

After taking a sit next to a fuming Melody I tried my best to focus on what Ms. Diane was explaining to us

But with the way Melody was glaring at me, I simply couldn't. What the hell did I ever do to her?

With the look she was giving me right now, I'm sure everyone would think I killed her mother

Which if you're having any doubts. I certainly didn't do

"When should we meet up?" Melody asked as we were about to leave the class

"What?" I asked because the last thing I expected was for her to be talking to me

"Are you deaf? I asked you when we should meet up for the project"

I'm pretty sure deaf people won't be able to answer that question

"How about Sweet and Creamy on Friday?" I asked as we walked down the corridor

"Well unlike you I have a party to attend that night. So let's make that Saturday" she corrected as she walked up to Zara and left me alone with my own thoughts

Today was the first time I had been in the same room as him since what happened, and no matter how much I tried my eyes kept on wandering back to his familiar brown hair they seemed  to always already be there

"Oof" was the sound that came out of my mouth when I collided with someone

This is what I get for thinking

Before I knew it the person was already picking up my books and handing them to me

It was Connor

"Hey" I greeted collecting the books

"Just try and watch where you're going" he snapped looking away from me

What is wrong with these people?

"Apology accepted"

"I wasn't apologizing" he deadpanned

"Well you're supposed to be. Seeing that you were in my way" I glared at him

I'm not going down for this one not after everything he and his friends have put me through this past weeks

"What? You weren't even looking where you were going" he accused

"You weren't so annoying the last time I had a conversation with you. I wonder what changed" I muttered 

"And you weren't such a slut the last time I spoke to you...or maybe you were. I wouldn't know" he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly

What?

"What the hell are you even talking about Connor?" I asked with my confusion showing clearly on my face

"Never mind. I have classes to get to" he started walking off before my fingers encased his wrist successfully stopping him

"Why did you call me a slut?" I asked trying my hardest not to get angry

"Drop the act Andrea, Jason already told me"

Hearing his name was like a bullet. Like the reopening of a wound that was just starting to heal, it hurt so much I didn't even notice him walk off

But none of that mattered anymore

All that mattered was that Connor had shot me and given me the gun to torture myself even more 

I don't care if Jason obviously told Connor and possibly the rest of his gang some lie about me, all I cared about was the fact that they believed him 

No not 'they' 

'He'

Well I guess that's basically what I get for ditching my friends for a group of people who know nothing more than how to break people

Everyone warned me about this

David. Shauna. Alex. Even Kayla

Now I can't talk to them anymore not after what I did to them and definitely not after how I betrayed them just because I saw the limelight of something greater than them, something I wanted way more than I treasured them

And the sad part is that I didn't even get to have it. The popularity I wanted, was like everything else in my life. Just beyond reach

I reached so far towards it that I lost my placing on where I called home

my safe haven 

The place where all my friends didn't hate me so much, where I wasn't lying to all the people I cared about and most of all where my body was my own and my father was only mine as well

And as it all played on before me I could here the faint sound of Jason Potter's voice telling me not once not twice but a hundred million times to take of my shirt again and again again 

'Remove your top'

'Remove your top'

Until my hands were reaching for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter because suddenly those were my only source of escape 

I didn't think of the people I was hurting anymore

Because after all those people were hurting me too in ways only me would know

All I could think of was Lucas' last statement to me 'there are some days when you feel like you can live one more day. Just one more day'

Like I wasn't the only one suffering in my little world and it didn't help much that it felt like it

And so with the poisonous air in my lungs and the cigarette between my fingers, I don't feel at peace like I once thought I'd feel, I don't even think I 'll survive the rest of this hour without screaming at the world, myself and humanity

But really what is a scream when the person screaming has lost both her body and her voice?

And all that is left is another daunting soul with a migraine in between her forehead

...

that daunting soul might just as well be me right now. I haven't updated in years and I'm so so so so so so sorry. Here's an early new years present for everyone that has helped this book get to 500 freaking reads. It means the world to me

Thank you and don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT

P.S: You might want to read the previous chapters if you've forgotten the plot