infatuated | fillie

thirty two

I don't like the way he's looking at you
im starting to think you want him too
am I crazy, have I lost you?
even though I know you love me,
i can't help it
———————

"That's easy, because she wasn't you." Finn said and Millie couldn't help but shoot him a small side smile as she looked down at her shifting feet.

"But we're not together. You chose to break up with me."

"I did." Finn agreed. "Because what you did was wrong and I can't keep having this same argument with you over and over again."

Millie nodded and sighed in defeat.

"What now?" She asked, shrugging her shoulders like a toddler who just got told they cannot have another cookie. She knew what was coming, her body and emotions were succumbed with loneliness and sadness but she swallowed these feelings down with the lump that formed in her throat.

It was her fault anyway, she had no-one to blame but herself. She knew what was about to come out of his mouth and she mentally prepared herself for whatever was next. She shouldn't mope about, she shouldn't feel sorry for herself when if she only done the right thing then she wouldn't be in this mess, she wouldn't be hurting and she would be with the love of her life.

She couldn't imagine not being with him and she certainly couldn't imagine either one of them being with someone else. The thought made Millie's face grow hot and she tried to ignore the fiery pit at the bottom of her stomach.

"Friends?" Finn asked, as soon as that one simple word left his lips, he was wondering what the actual fuck he was even saying. Friends? With Millie? Nothing more? The idea was completely foreign to him, it didn't sound right and it certainly didn't feel right leaving his lips. His head felt funny for a few minutes, like his brain couldn't process what his body was telling him was the right answer. Was it the right answer?

"I don't know." Millie said, could she do it? Could she actually be friends with Finn?

"Come on." Finn pushed with a smile on his face. "We could be best friends."

"You wish." Millie teased, giving him a slight lift of her eyebrow, trying not to smirk. "We can work on it, but we're not going to be best friends straight away, I can't do that yet."

"Completely understandable." Finn agreed, nodding his head with his hands in the air. "So, until next time...friend?"

Millie didn't say anything but give him a dead expression. Finn frowned as he shrugged.

"Too soon?"

Millie nodded replying, smiling while she watched him walk out in defeat. That was it. They were just friends.

———————

It was a couple of days later, school started up on the Monday and it was a Thursday night. Millie was in bed studying, making sure she had everything ready to be back in school for the rest of her senior year. Whereas Finn was at a party with Josh and Wyatt. He hasn't been moping around but he hasn't been himself. He wasn't very bubbly anymore, sure he could crack a joke but he just found it hard to engage in conversation. He felt withdrawn from every situation he seemed to be in.

Finn sat at the party, currently scrolling through his phone. He wasn't having a good time, he kept pondering on whether he just made a huge mistake. It was giving him a headache, a huge fucking headache and the loud music didn't help. 

@milliebobbybrown: 🙁

@noahschnapp, @gatenm123 and 238 others liked this post.

@sadiesink: ugly lol
@sadiesink: I'm joking give me your face
@noahschnapp: ayyyy!!!!😍😍
@c_lloyd: woah! 11/10
@gatenm123: hot hot hot hot hot
@chlomalloyx: holy shit look at you!!!😫😫

His old instincts would tell him to comment every compliment under the sun but he resisted and shoved his phone back into his pocket and swallowed his feelings with vodka.

———

The time was currently 3:37am and Millie was awoken to her phone ringing. She picked the phone up quickly, not wanting the loud, irritating sound to wake up her parents. The light burned her eyes as she read the name on the caller id.

'Finn'

She grew nervous, something must be wrong for him to be ringing her this late at night. She answered straight away, curious and nervous to find out why he was actually calling.

As soon as she answered, music was heard in the background and loud chatter that Millie couldn't make out, she was too tired. She sat there, listening a couple of times before speaking.

"Hello?" Millie whispered into the phone. "Finn, is everything ok?"

No answer.

Millie figured - well, knew - he was at a party so she hung up with a loud sigh as she set her phone back on her bedside hesitantly.

5 Minutes later when Millie was about to fall back into her disturbed slumber, her phone rang again. Her eyes shot open angrily as she answered the phone without having to look who's calling, she already knew it was him.

"Hello?" She said a bit louder, irritant dripped off of her tongue, she couldn't help it. She hated being disturbed, especially the second time around.

"Mills?" Finn said into the phone. She couldn't help but lightly chuckle at how he sounded. He sounded half-asleep but also alive. Barley there but engaged into whatever conversation that was about to develop. "did I wake you?"

"Of course you did?" Millie replied dumbly. "What do you want?"

"Don't be annoyed at me. You can't see but I'm pouting right now." Finn said, Millie could barely make out what he was saying over his continuous slurring. He was drunk and it was weird but a small part of Millie hoped it wasn't about her.

She didn't want him to dwell and she was getting annoyed. If they loved each other, then they should be together, right? Stop hiding their feelings and tell one another? But Finn didn't want to be with her and that was final.

But the thing is, Finn wanted to be with her so badly. He wanted nothing more, but the trust was gone and he couldn't help but feel that way. He wished he could change how he felt he really could but he just...he couldn't.

"It's a Thursday night, Finn. Why are you calling, are you ok?"

"I need you to pick me up."