Letters to the Boy

Just Be

So I am writing this at the risk of sounding like a big old hypocrite. Well, sounding is the key word here; I am neither big nor...old. And I like to think I am most certainly no hypocrite. Keep that in mind. Always.

The advice I give you on the eve of commencing your teenage years (yikes!), is to just be. Do. Or don't. But just do it or don't do it. No fanfare, no seeking of validation from others. Just be what you are going to and stop this crazy seeking of approval from all and sundry.

Perhaps it's my age. Perhaps it's your age, more likely, that is causing this advice to pour forth. Whatever the reason I really hope you listen as this comes (or read, as the case may be). I think it is a sign of the times but it seems not much is done without us posting some picture to prove we have done that thing. Whatever the thing. And honestly, my dear growing boy, you will do many things and many of those many things will not gain the approval or validation you seek from the masses. Do you know the craziest part of this? No? Well, I am still here - not too big not too old - to inform you, little one (who is now big, bigger than me). You neither need nor require anyone's approval or validation to actually feel approval for your actions and it won't invalidate them if you do not get this approval. You are at a time when these things mean so much. Being liked, fitting in, blah blah blah. It's important but so are many things, like my sanity. You will need to choose how you will be, and what you are willing to pay to be that. And there will be times that you really need to change being. These are hard things in the coming years. I get that. I lived that and despite your ideas, it wasn't that long ago. So I understand even if I don't approve of the being, I approve of the journey. Or at least I recognize it is a valid one. I will allow you to read this later so you can't throw it in my face that you need to make these mistakes because then my frowning disapproval face will lose some of its validity. Whatever. Here we go:

I have been following some "motivators" on various social media platforms and let me tell you, it's exhausting. For me. I can't even imagine what it must be like for those guys and gals. And since they have enough random strangers telling them opinions and responding and opinions and responding and opinions....I will take my frustrations to you, dear son. Why do we have children if we can not sometimes lecture them on random and unrelated topics so that they may become wiser? How lucky you are. Believe me, that's a very valid point you will approve of. See. I have my wit still. For now. You haven't made it to teen years yet, so at least I still have some things left to me. Still. Anyway, opinions are about to be given. Quite freely. Mine, at any rate. We can't seek validation from others by posting things and then getting offended when the validation comes at a cost. Or rather, in these time of ours, it comes for the snap shot of our perfect insta-worthy portfolio we set out. Just that one that has many holes that others simply fill in with assumption or rather extrapolations that are neither fair nor accurate. It's like the text of this page, my dear, black and white. And although I wear quite a bit of black and come from quite a white background, I am all sorts of shades of grey. It won't work, this validation machine we call social media. It works wonders when we set forth to agree with something small, something inconsequential but when feelings are involved everything and anything will get messy. So be. Be how you are and realize that the only one who has to actually agree with you is you. You have to look at the shiny pictures, the perfect angles, the precise words and see all the reel, the deleted words and saved yet unpublished works. The ones that didn't make the cut. The not quite inspirational words that fell flat. You have to live with the guy behind and in the selfie. You have to be that guy. Forever. That guy changes but in essence you're still him and will carry that monkey on your back. So be. Be him, for him. You. For you.

Now as your mother and arguably most important person in your universe from the moment of your conception (ha! You thought this one wouldn't be...haunting), to your final breath, I hope that you would seek my approval and such but things will not always be approved. Heck, I see your room as I pass and do not approve. But, darling unapproved, invalidated young one, even I can't make you feel good about everything. Nor will I try to. You gotta sleep in that bed you made (or didn't, as the case appears). What I am trying to say is: be. Because there is always someone out there who will not want you to, not think you are worthy, who will 'well, actually', who will sling mud at, ignore, ridicule, question and deny your very valid-ness. And the more you argue it, the more these people will do it. This is life, and this is the unfortunate truth. We all end up in the same situation at the end and we have only the luggage we pack so make sure yours is for you.

Now, darling little big man child. You need to listen most carefully to this portion or this validation I will take and whack you in the nose with. While I can still reach that high. This does not mean you be that guy. The well, actually guy. The ridiculer, the taunter, the...jerk. Nope. You find yourself a nice self-publishing site and write to your future children in a nice passive aggressive attempt to dole out advice to one but really get that voice....I am sure you get the picture. I tell you now, child, don't be an ass. Those people seeking the love and adoration they deny they are seeking through posting self proclamations of growth and freedom and enlightenment can do so and we stand back and allow them their right. I will now allow you to call me Pot. So, little kettle, we allow these things and allow people to work through their private battles on a public platform and comment when we have something productive to say. But that most productive addition we could have is simply: be without having to ask permission of your followers or subscribers or whatever they're called on the platform you use.

And now, finally to the most important thing. The little related but completely the point of this advisory message. My turn to talk to you but really address those guys. You made a decision. You now push that decision in the faces of thousands of followers by nonstop posts of pictures, comments, videos, and all forms of look at me not caring anymore and growing myself but really throwing it out there and answering every mindless rant but I don't care you're mean post. Yikes.

Honey, darling, it's ok to be you and have people not like it.

Mind. Blown.

Or something.

Really, this is about me wanting to say that to literally everyone I know but just heaving a sigh and thinking if I am going to waste my breath telling this all to someone who isn't really going to listen then I may as well do it to the near teen in my house. At least that one has to look attentive. And if he has to look down on me I know it's in the literal sense, mA to be young and tall. Not again, I feel this soul was always old and never once tall, so you do that for me but do it while understanding that you don't need anyone's approval to be. It's not a question of 'to be or not to be'. You already are. There's that thought to get you through those long rants. Haters gonna hate or whatever the youth spout these days. Just let them be.