Chapter 21: Pha

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I find the school breaks to be the most uneventful time of the year. Most students look forward to it for their time away from classes. I do too. I am smart, but even I need a break for my brain.

They have plans to travel and hang out with friends. Me on the other hand is different.

What makes me not like the breaks is that my boredom is always magnified tenfold. My friends go back home to their families and I'm stuck on campus by myself. I could go home too, but I don't want to have to deal with my mother's nagging. She is still constantly trying to set me up and trying to get me to join her for her 'projects'. All she would do is brag about her soon to be doctor son. Plus they live ten minutes away from my dorm. I can go there whenever I want.

Last year, I spent the time with girls or drinking with random classmates. That wasn't an option for me anymore. I didn't want to be with those kind of women. And those guys usually used me to get women to join our group.

No, I didn't want any kind of woman. I wanted a small nerdy guy with gorgeous big eyes.

I wasn't positive about my feelings at first. I have never truly liked anyone before. I realize that.

The day Kit told me about his feelings toward Mingkwan. My own feelings didn't seem anywhere near to his. The way he would speak about Ming , and all his loving memories of the energetic short kid who used to follow him around like a puppy.

He told me that he stopped seeing him because of an accident that happened. That it was his fault, but Ming acted like it never happened and went right back to how he was before when they met again.

He was crying and laughing at the same time. Same with his eyes. They would glow with joy when he talked about their fun times, and when Ming would drag him into trouble. Then they returned to sadness. He wasn't sure if Ming was still upset about his breakup with Moowan, and if he still had feelings for her. That their parents had arranged for the two to be married. He didn't want him to go back with her, in fear that she would hurt him again, but didn't believe he belonged with himself either.

Kit just wanted to be at his side. That was enough for him. Until...

At the party his jealously was hard to hide. His jealousy towards the girls that looked at Ming and flirted with him took over his rational thoughts. That's when he texted me he wanted to leave. He didn't want to say anything he would regret.

When he tried to leave... Ming pulled him away from his cousin and ended up kissing him when Kit tripped. His feelings he was trying so desperately to hold back started to come out. He didn't believe that there was any way for them to return to how they were before.

Kit knew he wouldn't be able to handle seeing Ming with someone else anymore. He wouldn't be able to hide his love for him, every time he looked at him. So he ran away. He stood the night at my place in fear that Ming would show up at his dorm.

It was hard to watch, but he continued to tell me his story. It was like I was speaking with a different person. Kit never opened up to me like this before. I have certainly never seen him cry. Beam has, but their friendship began before ours. This was all new to me.

I was used to the grumpy Kitty, not this vulnerable one.

He was crying half the night for a guy who just gave him a small kiss. He tried to hide it by turning his back to me and sinking his head in his pillow but I still heard his quiet sniffles. It was hard for my head to comprehend this kind of love. It felt so foreign to me.

Kit loved Ming, there was no doubt about it. But what about myself. Just because I felt the need to protect Yo and was possessive over him in front of Knock, did that mean I liked him? Was I falling for him? The kind of love Kit displayed to me, did I feel that way toward Yo?

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