Words of Love

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I am walking with heavy heart towards Sam's office. It's Saturday morning. The second term school holiday starts today. Now I can spend some quality time with Sam. I should be happy but I am not. There is a reason.

It's been more than week since Sam's great reveal. He has become distant to me after that. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't tease me. There are no games played between us, If anything he is brooding. We still come together when time allows. Sometimes he is my tender lover, other times a ferocious demanding conqueror.

Is he regretting that he told me about his past or the attraction he had for me is starting to cool down. The bed sport doesn't mean anything. He could be just slaking his hunger with the easiest available target.

I can't live the sword of unknown future hanging on my neck. I have to confront him now. I have some breathing space during the holidays. I can somehow patch my broken heart in this time.

I tentatively open Sam's office door. He is not there. I tarried coming here today as I didn't want to wait for him but it looks like he hasn't finished with his work in the club.

Suddenly I hear shuffling of paper. I look around for the source of the sound. There he is. Sitting cross-legged on the floor. Suddenly the smell of burning paper hits my nose.

"What are you doing?"

He doesn't answer me. He only gives me a tired smile. I can see that he has lots of old paper strewn about him. The contents range from wrinkled Post It Notes to handwritten pages of notebook and printed paper.

He is checking each item and meticulously reading some of them aloud in his dictaphone. Then he is using cigarette lighter to burn them to ashes. Few of them are reduced to ashes without committing the contents to the dictaphone.

I am sitting in front of him and silently watching him. I am wondering at the same time whether Sam is finally unhinged in the head.

Finally he stops and looks at me with some unfathomable expression.

The silence is getting on my nerves. I wet my dried up lips and start talking. Anything to break the silence.

I point at the cigarette lighter. "I didn't know you smoked." It's the only innocuous and irrelevant question I can ask at this time.

"I don't, but all vices like company. Sometimes a client or business partner wants to smoke and I offer the light."

Now I turn my gaze around all the papers. "What are you doing here?"

"I am putting your present to good use and cleaning the mess at the same time. Just give me a minute I am almost done here. I can do the rest later. Why don't you wait for me in the bedroom and I will join you shortly."

I want to talk to him not wait in the bedroom. "Can I help? I hate to be a trophy girlfriend."

"Alice believe me you are anything but a trophy girlfriend." Sam laughs at me.

Oh to hear him laugh so openly. I can't remember the last time he laughed. I want him to laugh more even if he is doing it at my expense. I can see that he is relaxing and his eyes crinkle with laughter lines.

"I don't know how much you can help but if you want to you can stay and give me company."

"What are all these papers."

"They are my notes, reminders, shopping lists." He is smiling at me mischievously. Today he looks to be in teasing mood.

"Shopping list?" I ask incredulously. I didn't think Sam was of the type to make shopping lists.

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