Like Us

148 15 40

Seven days to Christmas and the tree looks like shit

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Seven days to Christmas and the tree looks like shit.

Seriously, I can't figure out what the fuck is going on with it. It's a clumpy mess. There are huge, gaping holes I can't manage to fill, and yet the icicles feel crowded. How is that?

Making matters worse, the branches are sagging, which means I can't get the garland to hang quite right. Instead of dangling in a series of grand arcs like I expected, it keeps pooling on the underlying branches.

And the lights?

They're just, yuck.

No cohesion.

No fucking cohesion at all.

I find this frustrating because I had such a good plan going in — really simple and clean, so I have no idea where things went astray. "I feel like I'm cursed."

I check my iPad, taking another look at the Pinterest photo that served as my inspiration. That simple, beautiful, magical scene. Not even close. I'm so off target. Somehow.

"Looks like it needs more garland," I say to Lisa, who isn't looking at the tree. Hippie bitch seems more interested in her cocaine than my Christmas dilemma because instead of replying to my comment on the garland, she says, "Are you listening to anything I'm saying?"

But will garland really be enough to cover this mess? I don't think so, unfortunately — especially since I'm using a Silvertip Fir, which has widely spaced branches. It would take a lot of fucking garland to fill those holes. The situation would be different if I were using a Douglas Fir, but I hate those. They're just so ... common. Everyone has them, and I hate the way most Americans pile them down with shoddy mass-produced crap. Plastic ornaments and tinsel and twinkle lights. It's awful. I only use hand-made ornaments on my tree, wood and cloth and blown glass. Totally custom made. I'm so hardcore authentic, Jacen had to talk me out of using real candles, which I was strongly considering. In the end I compromised by using outdoor white C7 bulbs, which give off the warmest, richest glow. I thought it seemed like a nice compromise, but now, looking back, I realize I just fucked
shit up. I'm pretty sure those lights are to blame for my ruined Christmas! I'm strongly contemplating the idea of tracking down some vintage bubble lights, though I know that wouldn't make me happy either.

Fucking Jacen. Ruining Christmas.

This is a season that should be absolutely perfect, but it isn't. It's all wrong. Somehow.

"I think I need a new tree," I say to Lisa, who is still talking as if she can't see I have important shit going on here. If the tree's wrong, everything will be wrong. The house will be wrong. Christmas will be wrong. And I can't have that, so I need to fix it ... but I don't know how to fix it. I don't know where I got off track. I did everything right; I used all the right ornaments — everything unique and authentic and beautiful. I found the perfect tree. The perfect topper. And yet it's all wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

V GenerationRead this story for FREE!