unthinkable

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[daggers - part one]
[3rd]

    She woke up to piles and piles of books on her desk.

    Fifth year, to her, brought nothing but stress and fear for her OWL grades. The professors continuously stressed the importance of the exams, giving a workload of homework out every day, weighing her down under schoolwork.

    Despite Lily's help and patient tutoring, she often felt like she was buried alive underneath all the stress, and the red haired sixth year could do nothing to help her, as she was too stubborn. She practically overworked herself, reading and studying and writing every time she was free, wearing herself down terribly.

    She had basically abandoned everything for her studies. The young Ravenclaw lived up to her house, working as hard as she could to achieve good grades and pass her own expectations, trying to prove to herself that she was strong. She couldn't even remember the last time she saw Regulus around.

    Studying was also her way of getting her mind off the grey-eyed Slytherin that she had grown to know and love. Early that school year he had approached her to tell her that something was stirring in the outside world, that something bad was happening and they couldn't be seen with each other for her own safety. And of course, knowing her stubbornness, he had taken the initiative to avoid her at all costs, only occasionally sneaking apologetic glances at her.

    She missed him terribly, but she knew that he was doing this for her and he wouldn't appreciate it if she went and disobeyed him, and therefore she tried to take her mind of her friend.

    It was in these situations that she realized her feelings were legitimate. Ever since the other night in the previous year, she had realized he was the only one who could make her feel whole again, and she loved the feeling.

    Only he could make her feel that, feel what she had never felt before, she felt as if she was willing to do anything for him and was willing to give her own life just to see a sincere smile on his lips.

    She knew then and there, that she was in love.

    She wouldn't dare try to approach him, for she didn't want him to be upset. Therefore she went and overworked herself, clearing her mind, doing anything she could to stop herself from chasing after him and talking to him.

    Which was why she found herself in the hospital wing early that morning, Lily by her side, as Madam Pomfrey fussed over her, muttering that students did not know how to look after their own health. Between her and Lily saying worriedly that she shouldn't have overworked herself to the point of fainting, she didn't know what to do. She thanked Madam Pomfrey for the potion and left the wing with Lily.

     It was also just her luck that the duo bumped into a bunch of Slytherins on their way to the Great Hall. Lily stiffened as she saw Avery and Mulciber, the two boys who had bullied her back in her third year, leading the pack.

    Nudging Lily with her elbow and gesturing for her to leave, she waited for them to start taunting her muggleborn heritage, which they did.

    She stood silently against the wall as the Slytherins jeered at her, trying her best to not listen or focus on them. As she attempted to block the bullying out, she met the gaze of a boy standing at the back, and her heart sank, even though she knew he must be forced. She looked into his eyes and found only an apology.

    It was only when Mulciber pulled out his wand when she started to protest and pull out her own, but even she, the best at Charms in her class, could not prepare herself for the words that came out of his mouth.

    "Crucio!"

    The words left her off-guard, and she saw the boy's eyes widen in warning and worry, before the blinding red light hit her.

     It was like reliving her entire childhood. Pain jolted up her body and it felt as if fire ran in her veins, as if fire was burning her up slowly. She fell on her knees as cries and screams wracked her body, and in her mind she could see her mistress in front of her again, with the nightmare knife in hand, the gleaming blade deadly and evil. She heard laughter from the boy's standing in front of her, not knowing that the boy at the back was silent, eyes wide with horror, with half a mind to rush over and defend her, only to stand back as to keep her from his mother's wrath if he did help her.

    It felt like centuries, even though she knew it could not have been more than ten minutes, but breathed out in relief and collapsed on the floor in pure exhaustion and horror as the spell was lifted.

    She weakly reached for her wand, hoping to get out of the place, but a Slytherin saw her and yelled for the others. With a start, she recognized the Slytherin.

    Severus Snape. Lily's childhood friend, the person she refused to believe as evil. How long had he been bullying muggleborns like this? Had all the accusations the Marauders told of real?

    She had no time to think it over, as she saw him raise his wand at her, and she scrambled for her own, but she was too late once more.

    As she met the warning gaze of the boy once again, she turned her head to hear the words of an unfamiliar curse.

    "Sectumsempra!"

    Immediately the familiar pain travelled through her body, the familiar wounds opening all over, and she felt to weak to move or talk or even breathe. Blood pooled around her, as it did a lot times ago when she was younger, or during the summers. She could do nothing but stare at the laughing students before her wide-eyed, noting one exception.

    The boy stared at her in horror, apologetic and worry evident in his eyes, and she knew that he could not use his status to help her, and she softened her gaze to reassure him that she wasn't angry at him, that she didn't blame him for what happened and will not blame him for what would happen.

    But even in her wildest dreams could she see what was about to happen.

    As the Slytherins laughed, Avery made a gesture for them to leave. Cackling to himself, Mulciber leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Don't even think of telling anyone." before putting her under the full body bind and leaving her behind to the laughter of the Slytherins, helpless and paralysed.

    "Don't even know why she's worth our time, doesn't even resist," someone muttered as they passed her.

    But nothing could prepare her for what happened next.

    Regulus stopped in front of her, refusing to face her in case others saw his weakness to the young muggleborn. She knew it was a hoax for the other Slytherins, but it didn't stop her heart breaking as he uttered the word to the person who had just spoken.

    "Mudblood."
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