How to be Miss Popular [ON HOLD]

Tip 7: Run when in fear

Seems like we all trying to climb a ladder it's crazy what we do to climb it faster. It's like we throw away the things in life that actually matter

7. Run when in fear

I CRIED FOUR TIMES this morning

The first time was when I woke and felt the killer migraine that I had waiting for me from yesterday

The second time was when I realized that every part of my body hurts and this wasn't just as a symptom of my hangover

The third time was when I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how ugly I had suddenly become just in the time span of one night

The fourth time was when I looked around and noticed that the world will still go on, and everyone will still live their lives even though some didn't deserve to

Am I supposed to feel like this?

I don't know. And I most definitely wouldn't know because the subject of sexual assault isn't really brought up in school

But that wasn't the saddest bit, the saddest bit was that even the people that I trusted the most, didn't notice

"Morning Sweetie" my mom said to me as I entered the kitchen

"Hey" I mumbled

"Aww, you must be having a hangover. Those sweet boys told me you fell asleep after a while" mom smiled

Those 'sweet boys' are Hades sent

"Yeah" I yawned

"They are pretty cute right? Do you like any of them" she gushed causing me to roll my eyes

After realizing that I wouldn't have a positive reply to any of her comments. I made my way back upstairs, slipped on a few of my new clothes and some makeup

Because why give people something to talk about when they didn't know yet? What's the point of wearing your pain on your sleeves?

Today, I got to school earlier than usual which means I didn't have only five minutes to get my books before the bell went off

I set out to arrange my locker before picking my books and heading to my Physics class

I'm just too lucky aren't I. Having my favorite class in the world first thing on a Monday morning

As students filled into the class. I couldn't help the thoughts that ran through my mind

If you think about it everyone around you is a story. A different book. A different journey

That's magical to have so many journeys in one place

And in high school everyone kind of goes on in this bubble of just them and their friends, not giving a damn what goes on in the lives that are actually hurting

But my thoughts didn't go far before they arrived. In all their intimidating glory

Riley, Zach, Connor and Angel

At least he wasn't here. That made me feel a little better until Connor passed me without even giving me a second glance or at least a smile

That was so unlike him and little did he know that I could really use that smile right now

The rest of my periods came in a blur up until my free period and lunch that I spent hiding out in the library and occasionally the girls' bathroom

Soon it was Design and Tech time, just the thought of seeing him brought a shiver down my spine

I trudged to the class scared out of my mind and as I opened the door everyone was already seated including him

He was looking as happy as usual as if nothing happened yesterday. As if his actions didn't change everything I was sure of in life

And then he looked up

Made eye contact with me

And guess what he did?

Guess what he freaking did?

He smiled. At me

He had the guts to smile at me. In that moment I saw green again everything around me was poison including the air

Every goddamn thing was so repulsive and like as if someone snapped their fingers at me

I started to feel it again

His hands around my body

It was happening again, and I was running this time because my throat had suddenly gone too dry to scream

I running away from everything. From him. From his stupid smile

'Remove your top'

'Turn around'

Every single word he said that night started playing on repeat in my head and I just couldn't get it out

'That'll actually be sexy'

'Give Zach a nice show'

'Give Zach a nice show'

And that's when I looked in the mirror and noticed the horror movie I had become. The sad tale of Andrea Philips. Tears were streaming down my face in wells and just like everything else it repulsed me

My whole appearance repulsed me

Because suddenly I wasn't that girl who loved to see her reflection in the mirror anymore because it just reminded me of the places he touched

It just reminded me of how much could change in the course of one night

It just reminded me that even though I had a voice, my voice was far too weak and insignificant to be heard

And that was just the reality of life

Everyday I had to stand in front of a mirror and chant the mantra of all mantras

You're beautiful

It was all a waste because in front of this mirror and in the eyes of everyone else I wasn't

And that's why he felt that he could do those things to me last night, because beautiful girls deserve the best. Beautiful girls like Melody, who no one will ever have the heart to touch in a relatively aggressive manner

Or Riley with her beautiful long hair, toned calves and beady eyes

They were examples of beauty and I wasn't

I was dirty, touched and insignificant

Then the words started coming again

This time though it was on repeat. A painful cycle

And do you know the sad part?

It was my mind that was torturing me not anyone else. Not him not not them not Connor. It was my fault

'Remove your top'

'Remove your top'

'Remove your top'

And suddenly he's in my head. He's everywhere. Touching, tasting and taking
Everything

Green, Red and Black...