I sat frozen in the jail in that seat the words he said replayed in my head I'm confused "the songs for you" I'm confused I grabbed Antonio and carried him to the car I buckled him in then put Dominic in I buckled him in then got in the front.
I thought about his words the whole time "The songs for you the songs for you the songs for you" then it clicked "The song" I said softly the song that was playing the night of his arrest I took my phone from Antonio and got on YouTube while keeping my eyes on the road.
I typed in "i dont wanna do this anymore" into the search bar and it popped up we still had a 1 hour drive back to the house I looked back at the bys and Dominic was still asleep and Antonio was on the verge of falling asleep.
I drove a little further until Antonio was all the way passed out and I pulled over in a parking lot and I unlocked my phone and played the song.
"I should have let you no that your my only one I no your feeling numb I'll fuck u till u cum said I don't understand how u don't got no man you want me in your bed cause I've been in your head.
"I've be been up all night cause you don't wanna wait on me I'm about to catch my flight cause you don't wanna wait on me..you don't wanna....you don't wanna.
"I've been up a very long time wondering why they hate on me I don't wanna love myself just praying that you don't love my ....you don't wanna ....I don't wanna....you don't wanna.
"I should have should have have let you no that your my only one I no your feeling numb I'll fuck you till u cum said I don't under stand how you don't got no man u want me in your bed cause I've been in your head
"No no no no... no no no...no no no..
No no no....
When the song stoped I was in tears I didn't no that's how Jahseh felt about me I can't belive it I love the song don't get me wrong.
I put my phone down and put my head in my hands and just cried "I gotta go back" I said I started the car and Turned the car around and headed for the Jail again when I got there i grabbed the double stroller out of the back and put the boys in.
I went in and said "i need to see Jahseh onfroy" to the lady in the front my face was all red and puffy and the officer didn't even look at me she said spell the last name "o-n-f-r-o-y" I said back to her and she said "He can't see any one till tomorrow sorry"
"Please I need to see him I need 5 minutes tops" the officer looked up at me and her face softend and she whispered "Ok listen I might lose my job but go to that room right there and I'll bring him to you" I smiled "thank u" she smiled back I pushed the stiller into the room and paced waiting for them.
Dominic started whining I looked down and fixed his pacifier and when I looked up Jahseh was standing there the Officer took his Cuffs off and left the room I looked at Jahseh and just cried I ran to him and hugged him I couldn't stop crying.
I walked away from him and said "when we're u gonna tell me that that song was for me" he looked me dead in my eyes and shrugged his shoulders "X stop fucking playing with me use your words" he looked at me and put his hand on my face.
"I was gonna tell u when I was ready" he said to me I looked him in his eyes " You don't understand what I just did X I literally just almost killed myself and my kids because of you" Jahseh looked at me and said "What do u mean" and I said "i pulled over on the side of the road and listened to that damn song I just about broke my phone throwing it"
"I did a u turn on the Highway with the kids in the car to come back to this shit hole to see u again I begged that fucking officer to fucking See you again and to think that your gonna have to go back in that damn shit hole any minute and I have to go home and fucking try not to Kill myself"
Jahseh grabbed my arm and pulled my to him and said "I'm sorry Jazmin"
I real life can't do this shit anymore the officer came in and put the Hand cuffs back on Jahseh and started to walk out with Him "I fucking love u X" I said to him and before they took him where I couldn't see him he said "I love u to Jazmin"