"Hey," he coos, using the pad of his thumb to wipe under my eyes. "No more tears, everything will be just fine."
"I know, I'm just..." I croak and stop to take a deep breath. Harry's eyes are on me, a hand tucked under his face on the pillow and waiting patiently for me to speak. My voice is quiet because I can't manage much more. "I just don't know how to feel about all this. I wish I had been around the past month so maybe I could, I don't know, help her in some way?"
Harry sighs and looks away from me, pursing his lips in thought before he speaks. "I think if you had been around, it wouldn't have changed much. Whatever she was going through, it clearly took full force when you and I got back together."
My insides twist and I'm sure it shows on my face, the guilt I felt when I first starting realizing I never stopped loving Harry, and that same guilt I felt when I realized we'd end up together after he broke up with Jess. It all comes back full force and I feel like I betrayed her even though she was the first one to commit the crime.
I don't trust my feelings though, knowing they are only stemming from the pressure of the accident. Once things go back to normal, I'm hoping none of these emotions stick and take a toll on our relationship. I was never in the wrong, she knew what Harry meant to me. I have to keep that in mind no matter how guilty or sympathetic I feel for her.
Harry moves the extra few inches towards me and wraps his arms around me until I'm pressed up against his body. My knees are tucked into me, trying to hold myself together and Harry helps by sheltering me from the world. I shut my eyes and breath in his familiar smell, the musky cologne and the light scent of detergent. I feel his heartbeat against me, his chest rising and falling, my breath slows to match his. His strong arms are around me, keeping me safe, and his delicate fingers tracing designs on my skin.
"You hadn't made up with her yet, Skylar," he says softly. "Baby, you have to let it go. None of this has anything to do with you. Just... just be there for her now."
I think about this and how true his words are. I can't change anything that happened between us. All I can do is try to mend things, starting now. Being apart and holding grudges won't do anyone any good, especially Jess during her recovery.
"Do you think we could go to the hospital?" I ask quietly, tilting my head to look up at him.
Harry looks down at me for a few seconds, the corner of his mouth lifted in a lopsided smile and his eyes seemingly surprised. He takes one arm from around me and reaches into his pockets to pull out his phone and check the time.
"It's still visiting hours, so I guess we could go," he says, shoving his phone back into his pocket. "Only if you really want to."
"I do," I nod and his smile widens.
"Okay," he smiles and leans in to kiss my forehead. "You should probably shower first though," he smirks and crinkles his nose.
I roll my eyes, a small smile breaking over my lips. I shove him away lightly and sit up, shuffling to the edge of the bed as Harry's hands fall from around me. I get out of bed and stand for the first time today, stretching my arms and breathing in deeply. Immediately the pit in my stomach that I was only just feeling returns, the realization that nothing has changed while I was harbored in bed all day. My eyes sting but I bite back the tears and leave the room.
I shower quickly, not wanting to be alone too long. I know if I am, I'll eventually succumb to the shadows and tears that are already threatening to spill. I focus on the water, the heat as it spreads throughout me and the sound it makes to drown out my thoughts. Once I'm done, I wrap a towel around me and throw my hair in bun before crossing the hall into the bedroom.
YOU ARE READING
One. || h.s.Teen Fiction
(A Harry Styles AU) What if seeing each other again changed everything? Or then again, what if nothing changed? ... A toxics relationship is what she escaped from, but when Skylar Devin comes back home to New York after three years away in Los Ang...