Matsuura Kanan x Suicidal! Female! Reader

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Requested by Shukashu_Primus


Hey Fleet!

So sorry for not doing my salute in my other onshots but my time was very limited, it's nighttime and everyone's sleeping so I took the freedom to write a little more since I'm not sleepy. Oh, and don't worry, I still have thirty minutes more to be in front of the laptop! So, let's play a game...

Let's see if you can guess in which thing I based this one-shot?

Disclaimer: I do not own Love Live

Let's start! P.S Can you believe we are so close to reach the 200,000 words?

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One Step Closer

Your POV

One step...

My jealousy brought me here, she was just my crush, I was in love with her but that blonde took her away from me. Why must she chose her? I mean, she abandoned her and when she was depressed I was the only one that stood by her side, why can't she just look at me with the same eyes that she uses to look at her.

One more step...

Why can't she just accept my feelings?! Why can't she just realize that I want to be with her?! Forever and ever! I want to have kids with her, I want to kiss her and never let her go, I want to marry her and travel around the world with her, why can't I just tell her how I feel?

I remembered it...

Because I'm an useless coward.

Another step...

I'm better than her in all the aspects. I don't sexually harass her or joke around like she always does. I put her in first place, even before me. There's nothing that blondie can do that I can't do better.

And Kanan, she deserves the best...

That's why she can't be with her, because Kanan needs me...

No, I need her...

Another one...

WHY CAN'T SHE JUST LOOK AT ME?!

Am I really that disgusting?! Do I not have the body she looks for?! Or she just simply hates me?!

Just for once, look at me! I beg of you!

And another one...

And I wanted her, I craved for her and yet she looked the other way around, she just look away from me without even realizing that I was starving for her, I wanted her more than she could imagine.

One step more...

But I did nothing, I stayed behind her and took all the stabs to my heart, trying to tell myself that everything's fine, that sooner or later she will understand my feelings, that she will realize that I loved her more than I love myself.

One step closer...

I always dreamt of her, I always wanted her figure in my hands, to touch her skin, to kiss her lips and to say all the things I have bottled up inside of me, all the things that I kept inside because of fear.

How much do I have to give to make that real?

Wait, I know...

I looked below me, the sea crashing into the rocks as I stood at the top of all of them. In a mountain just in front of the sea, I know what is going to make me happy, what is going to make forget about everything.

I just hope the life after this one, I can be with her...

Just one more step and everything will end...

"Wait!" A voice echoed through the nature around me, that voice came from behind and I knew exactly who she is.

Kanan...

Why did you have to come? I didn't want you to, I just wanted you to be happy with the person you love and I know that's not me...

"You are wrong!" What? I stood on my ground, paralyzed, wanting to hear her voice before not seeing her again. "What you said in the letter! You are wrong about that! I don't like Mari at all! I've always liked you!" She is lying, just take the step and she will be happy with Ohara-san, she will smile with her. "(Y/N)!"

Go away, just leave me alone please.

No doubts were on my mind when I took that last step, I felt the gravity pulling me to the to the rocks, my entire body just surrendered to that force but there was someone that didn't surrender...

There was a grip on my wrist, Kanan threw herself to the grass just in front of the fall and extended her hand just in time for me not to fall. "(Y/N)! Listen to me!"

"Shut up!" I exclaimed. "Just let me go! You'll be happier with Ohara-san, she is rich, intelligent, pretty and all you can ask for a girl while I'm just me!"

"You are all I need!" I widened my eyes, no, I mustn't let her words to go through me, she is lying. "I don't need a rich, intelligent or pretty girl, I need you, you are all of that and even more, just please, stay"

"Kanan..." She got it, she made it, she pierced through me. Then, she pulled me back to solid ground where we both lay on our knees with her panting because of the sudden physical effort. While I, well, I cried like crazy that day, I embraced Kanan and let all of my tears to fall on the shoulder of her uniform. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

And ever since then, I had a new beginning and all of my wishes became true...

Did I really hate myself that much? At the first excuse I had, I wanted to end it all, I didn't even fight and felt like I was defeated...

How naïve I was? How I stupid could I be?

I was willing to give my life for her, I still am, but now I'll fight!

Time skip: Ten Years Later

"Again you are here?" Kanan's voice called me from behind as I was contemplating the space where the sea and the sky become one, just stood there wearing a white dress with both of my hands intertwined at my back feeling the sea breeze as it flowed through my body.

"What can I say? I like this place?" I said and continued staring at the beautiful sight. Then, I felt two arms embracing me from behind and a head resting on my shoulder.

"I don't, it reminds me of a sad moment" Kanan said in a sad tone.

"And I'm sorry for that, I made you see this beautiful place into one of death" I separated from her embrace and turned around caressing her cheek. "I won't do it again, I promise"

At the end, I kissed her, her soft lips danced against mine in a tender and sweet moment we are never going to forget...

And I fought, not against someone but against myself, I didn't let my thoughts to rule my life nor my emotions to ruin, I just followed suit and stayed behind Kanan because just as that day, she protects me and I don't need anything apart from that


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