Chapter 18 - Remember.

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Worse, I don't feel judged.

"And your father, do you think he'll forgive you?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Do you think it was a good idea too let him go?"

"Yes."

Ella nods. "Do you think Victoria has trust issues?"

I sigh. "I guess."

"And you have asked for her hand in marriage?"

More questions.

"Not officially. I've been planning this trip for awhile, but because of this fight, she isn't coming." I frown. "Maybe it just wasn't suppose to happen."

Ella tilts her head and nods to herself. "Do you regret taking-" She pauses.

"Kayla?"

"Yes Kayla." She smiles. "Do you regret taking her home?"

"No. I regret walking in her home."

She nods in silence yet again. "I see both side's of the story. Zayn, she has been through something quite, traumatic. Victoria was kidnapped and sexually abused by the same guy-"

"Yes, I know!" I say frustratedly.

"She's still not the same person since that happened, I can tell."

"I know!"

"She was a lot more open, and reserved when I first met her, a very bubbly girl too-"

"I know!" I yell this time. "I know what she's been through. She's changed because she was raped again, I know! She's not the only one who has to suffer the consequences. I had to stop touching her for the first two week's she came back from the hospital because she couldn't be near me! She had a fucking nightmare about me raping her, Ella!"

I look down to take a breather.

"She told me, that there's nothing I can do to stop her from feeling empty inside because she lost the baby." I swallow. "I don't acknowledge things, but that doesn't mean I'll forget about it."

I remember everything.

Call me gay, but I remember the outfit Leigh wore to work yesterday.

I remember the day Victoria almost tripped over at Java hut back in Bradford and I just happened to catch her from falling.

I remember when she freaked out when I told her I'm muslim, after eating that god awful bacon strip.

I remember the exact words that came out of her mouth when she couldn't even say sex; when you inserted your wand into my fairy hole.

I remember the way she use to smile.

I remember trying to comfort Amber when I blurted out that Matt was cheating on her, even after all the shit she's put me through.

I remember the things people say to me, people have against me, and the things people have done to make me feel even more worthless than I already am.

Worthless.

I'd kill to see Victoria smile. I haven't seen it in a while and the only time I ever do get to see it is when she's with Amber and James.

Maybe I'm the problem.

You always were, you have bipolar. Freak.

Despite every single thing that's been thrown at me, I don't register to it until I'm having a down day. I don't think about it, I don't acknowledge it. It doesn't even affect me. It has to be pretty fucking hurtful if it does.

Frost bite - Z.M (Book 3, Cold trilogy)Read this story for FREE!