"I was born sick, but I love it"-

Hozier: take me to church


I was driving home and I felt exhausted, mainly mentally exhausted. Reading the things I read were draining and it made me sick. I wanted to run to Steve to tell him, but I also didn't want to cause drama. I didn't want to cause any chaos that might cause Bucky to snap or something. I didn't understand his situation even though I dealt with severe cases at work, it's just that this wasn't something I ever had to deal with, this level of severity.

I walked in the door and I could already hear muffled voices in the living room. Steve was laughing and there were girls giggling, some of the same girls from the night of the party. They were sitting there, looking perfect and clean and it bothered me instantly. I hated them and I didn't even know them.

I walked in and Bucky was the only one who noticed. Their music was loud and he looked over at me as I was standing outside the line of the kitchen. I dropped my bag onto the floor by the table. He gave me a half-smile and it made me uncomfortable, not because I was afraid of him, but because I didn't expect his smile to make me feel instantly at ease. Feeling both comfortable and uncomfortable was a contradiction in itself. I don't think I even responded with an expression. I looked away and went to my room. I was in dirty scrubs and wanted a shower. I wanted to wash the day off of me.

I wiped the foggy bathroom mirror and looked at myself for a moment

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I wiped the foggy bathroom mirror and looked at myself for a moment. My eyes were red and sunken, I was overtired and overworked and I knew I needed to sleep, but knew I wouldn't. Insomnia and I were close friends and I never could sleep after work or most any day due to my own thoughts. 

I could still hear them talking, laughing and I felt so envious. I wanted to feel that happy, even just for a moment. I had too many secrets to hide. I had to push them down so deep that I don't even feel them anymore. I didn't know who I was after all this, my journey to the city and I wanted so badly to scream it to anyone who would listen. 

I was lost in my thoughts for a moment when I heard a knock on the door. I wasn't even thinking about the fact I was only wrapped in a bright yellow towel.

I opened the door and there he was. Bucky, standing there tall. He was wearing a grey t-shirt and his muscles were obviously bigger than the shirt allowed. His jeans were dirty and ripped and a tiny part of his shirt was tucked in to the brim of his waistline, I could see the logo on his underwear. It made me feel flushed. He looked a bit embarrassed at first and that's when I realized I wasn't properly dressed.

"Oh, uh...I didn't mean to intrude. Steve wants to go get drinks. He asked me to see if you wanted to go.", he said with a bit of reluctance.

"Oh...I don't think so. I had the longest day of my life. I'm not really up to it.", I said in reply.

I shockingly didn't even feel embarrassed for being in a towel in front of the roommate, for all I know, could be a dangerous criminal, but my current state was that of complete disregard for my own feelings.

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