"messing with someone new,
thinking i wanted to
turns out i don't want new,
i want you"
-new, daya
••••
your pov
seven months ago
"colby, we've been fighting way too much lately. this relationship is toxic and i can't do it anymore." i state, looking him in the eyes.
"y/n, this is unfair. just because we fight doesn't mean we can't work things out!" he remarks back.
"i don't want this anymore. i cant deal with all of this shit. i'm sorry."
"fine y/n. go find yourself someone who treats you well. apparently i wasn't that person." colby shrugs and walks away.
present day
i roll over as my eyes flutter open to see jake still peacefully sleeping next to me.
i've been with jake for five months. he's been amazing and i'm really happy with him.
i think.
i tried to move on quickly after colby. while i probably shouldn't have moved on to his roommate, i still moved on.
i'm over it.
maybe.
••••
"i'm in his bed right next to him,
but he don't know
i'm just thinking 'bout you"
••••
i still think about colby everyday. all the time.
i thought i wanted to move on. i thought that our relationship wasn't capable of staying around anymore. i thought we were falling apart.
but maybe he was right.
maybe it could have been fixed.
but i denied that thought because i didn't want to deal with the pain it caused. we fought all the time.
••••
"thought i could pack up my suitcase
and just walk away,
walk away
leave you with all of the shit
i didn't wanna take"
••••
if i could have just listened to him, we could have fixed it. we would have fixed it.
i thought that jake would be the best for me.
but i don't love him. not in that way.
there's 7.6 billion people in this world, and i want colby.
but i let him go.
my thoughts are interrupted as i see jakes eyes open and a smile appears on his face.
"good morning baby" he smiles at me.
"morning jake" i fake smile back.
this is wrong. i can't do this to jake. i can't pretend i love him when it's colby that i want.
"hey, can we talk?" i ask.
"i'm in trouble aren't i?" he sighs.
"not really. i just need to talk." i start. "i don't think this is going to work."
"what?" he sits up straight.
"i'm so sorry jake. but i'm not over colby. i can't be over him. i've tried so hard. i thought i could just leave him behind and forget about him. but i can't. i'm so sorry."
he sits for a minute trying to take in all of this information until he finally breaks the awkward and sad silence.
"well, you need to go with him. i hurts me to say that, but if it was meant to be with us, it would be. but i can't hold you back from the person you love." he tries to smile even though a tear falls down his cheek.
i give him a hug and get up from the bed. i need to find colby.
"thank you jake. and i'm sorry." i apologize as i'm leaving the room.
"go get him." jake manages to chuckle, making me smile.
i walk out of the door and find myself walking down the hall to colbys room. i knock, but i know he's still asleep.
after not hearing an answer, i just walk into the room. i find him asleep on his bed, laying on his stomach with his arms under the pillow his head rests on.
i don't want to wake him, but i need to talk to him.
i make my way over to his bed. i try shaking him, but i know he's a heavy sleeper. after shaking him more violently, his eyes open and a look of confusion comes over his face.
"y/n? what are you doing?" he asks.
"we need to talk." i state.
"okay, um, give me five minutes to wake myself up a bit." he says, getting up and walking to the bathroom.
as i wait in his room, i realize it's still the exact same. i haven't been in here since we broke up.
the sticky notes on the wall. the pictures of us on his desk. the bedding.
he walks back into the room, now with a shirt on and hair that isn't as messy.
"what's up?" he asks, sitting down on the bed. he pats the bed next to him and i sit down.
"i miss you." i blurt out.
"oh." he whispers, looking away.
"colby, i'm so sorry. you were right. i really thought we were better apart. but i miss you. and i love you." i confess.
••••
"thought i'd be better without you,
i can't stop thinking about you"
••••
"y/n, i love you. and it's been hell these past months. i've been so lonely and it would hurt me so bad to see you with jake." he finally says.
"i think about you everyday. even when i'm with jake, i want it to be you. i should have listened to you."
"what about jake? what are you going to do about him?"
"he knows. he's the one who gave me the courage to come in here."
colby pulls me into him and plants his lips on mine. the feeling is almost nostalgic. the "sparks" between us are back. our lips make their way back in sync, just like they used to be.
"god, i missed you so much." he whispers to me.
"i missed you more." i smile.
••••
i'm so sorry i haven't been posting as frequently!!
i've had some theater stuff going on that has taken up 12 hours of everyday this week so i haven't had much time
i'm going to be working on more so it may be a weird uploading schedule but it'll get on track
xoxo
ro
