xxxiv. whole foods brawl

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Whole Foods is a place to find $6 asparagus water, avocados who think they're better than you, and White moms named Sandra who just finished yoga class.

By all standards, it was no place for an attempted murder on a baby. I follow Skye's lead as we approach the men in the coats. One of the men had his hand stuffed fully in his pocket, presumably getting ready to fire. The wheels of the shopping cart squeak against the tiles of the grocery store under the weight of all the fruit.

As Skye opens her dagger, I look around the store for a weapon. My eyes land on the watermelon. Out of all the fruits, that's probably the best weapon, right?

Besides, it would be hilarious to take out a man with a watermelon.

Skye stops before the two men in the baby aisle. We pretend to look at baby supplies in order to protect the baby from the men. Ace glances over at us. His jaw tightens slightly once he notices the five men now closing in on both ends of the aisle. I tap my finger on my leg.

One. Two. Three.

Skye, Ace, and I all look between each other. We leap into action.

Swiftly, Skye digs her dagger into the arm of a man. He quickly reacts, kicking her shin down to the floor, but Skye jumps back up. She pushes the shopping cart into his stomach. He pushes back. Skye jumps over the cart and throws his head into the diapers so roughly that he falls unconscious.

Other patons start to scream and run out of the store.

Ace holds the baby closer to him with one hand. Immediately, he slams a tub of formula onto another man, causing white powder to fly through the air. Ace then twists the hand of a man who's pointing a gun at us. He lets out a yelp, and Ace then demilitarized the assailant.

"Don't touch my baby," he seethes.

I take a watermelon from the cart and chuck it at another aggressor's head. Watermelon pieces splatter on the baby supplies. Ace looks on in horror at the ruined supplies.

In the distraction, the first gunshot rings into the aisle. My head whips around to see the source: Chase.

"Goddamnit can't a man just buy hot pockets in peace?" Chase grimaces.

Xavier comes around the other side and punches a man until he falters. "Why do you guys attract violence everywhere? Evite me so I can RSVP next time."

Xavier goes on to smack a man in the face with milk. Our attackers all fall in the baby aisle. "Clean up on aisle four," I grin.

"Who were those people?" Skye pants.

"I don't know. We need to get out of here though," Ace insists. "There could be more people coming for this baby."

Before we leave, Skye shoplifts two tubs of formula. To be fair, no one was here to charge us anyway.

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