The Stupid Academy

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Author: sophiek22

Genre: Fantasy/Romance

Curse Words

The cover somewhat matches the story. As the story is about an Academy, the academic background photo fits well, but it doesn't fit the story as a whole. Because the Academy is a school for magic, I would expect the cover to hold some sort of reference to magic. The title fits the story fairly well, especially since Zea isn't excited about attending the Academy. 

The dialogue is very modern and the characters are relatable because of it. However, some sections that are meant to be written sarcastically are a bit too drawn out. For example, in Chapter 1, you wrote "Surrrreeee." In order to convey this message more clearly and properly, perhaps you could write "'Sure,' I replied with a roll of my eyes." This would help the reader understand the sarcasm in the comment without being dragged through it. I also noticed a similar situation in Chapter 2, where you wrote "Byeeeeeee."

One area that could be improved on are the visual descriptions. The audience knows what is happening to Zia, but her surroundings are not clearly explained. In the beginning of the story, the readers would love to be given more details about Zea's house, what Zea looks like, etc. It is difficult to imagine the setting without some additional details. 

Below are some slight grammar mistakes that I noticed throughout the story:

Chapter 1: "And may or may not have slammed the door in his face." This sentence begins with the word "and," which should primarily be used as a conjunction, not the beginning of a sentence. 
Chapter 2: "Trash lined streets and dust covered buildings held everything that I know and love." There is a change of tense here; the overall story is written in past tense, but the words "know and love" are written in present tense. 
Chapter 2: "'you know who's going this year right?'" The word "you" should be capitalized, as it is the first word of the sentence. 
Chapter 3: "'And Darians going to be there too.'" The word "Darians" should contain an apostrophe. 

Chapter 5: "I was done with all the stupid planed entrance stuff." I assume that you meant to write "planned entrance stuff," so be sure to double check this section. 

Aside from these small errors, I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes. 

The story is quite interesting, and you do a lovely job of explaining what the Academy is and how students are selected. However, one part that wasn't exactly clear was why Zea's grandmother still signed the papers for the Academy even after Zea told her that she didn't want to go. Why was her grandmother so insistent that she go? Additionally, it is a bit unclear that Zea slammed the door in the marshal's face in the beginning of Chapter 1. Perhaps you could clarify who the person was earlier in the story in order to make the first paragraphs easier to understand. 

The story is very nicely started, and the audience wonders how Zea's story with Darian will unravel, as it seems that something may happen between them. However, Caleb is also a possibility, and I am excited to read about who Zea ends up with!

The characters are nicely developed and the conversation between them flows very nicely. Their conversations are believable, and the characters are relatable overall. The only thing that is missing are some physical details. What does Zea look like? What does Klo look like? It would be much easier for the audience to imagine your characters if their physical traits were described earlier in the story. 

You also successfully get your readers to think about the different people in the story. You did an excellent job of making Lila seem very snobby and unlikable, and Caleb seems like a rather friendly person.

The chapters are a perfect length, and they each cover a perfect amount of information. The endings are suspenseful enough that the reader always wants to continue the story. 

Any fans of The Black Mage series and the Harry Potter series may enjoy this story!

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