Seventeen

51 5 2

Author: voiddsstyles

Genre: Teen Fiction

Curse Words


The cover is very cute and it clearly represents a Teen Fiction story. The girl on the cover also looks much like how I would picture Brinley. Additionally, the title fits the story very well and it seems to represent both Brinley's age and the number of the hotel room that she, her mother and her brother are staying in. 

One small error that I noticed is in Chapter two where you seem to have accidentally split a sentence into two paragraphs: "'Well I grew up here and moved to Monroeville, Pennsylvania when I was nine, and now I'm...back."

I also noticed one small typo in Chapter 6: "...eventually made his was to the motel." I noticed some very minor grammatical errors in the end of Chapter 6 and in the beginning of Chapter 7, but you mentioned that you were already correcting these sections. The first 5 chapters are spectacularly written!

The story is very nicely paced and I especially like how you outline the backgrounds of the characters in the first chapter. This gives the audience some insight on Brinley's life and family.

I also observed that your story is written in third-person omniscient point-of-view, but some sections are a bit skippy. For example, in Chapter 4, the beginning of the chapter is written about Brinley, and as soon as she leaves Matt's house, the story jumps to Holden. I find that it would be easier for your readers to follow your story if you inserted a small divider that signified that you were shifting focus from one character to the next. 

The story is generally predictable, but not overdone. I cannot predict any smaller events within the story, but I assume that Brinley and Holden will grow closer. I can't guess the events that will come with the relationship, but I am looking forward to reading more about them! Maybe Brenden will make his way back into Brinley's life? I feel that an event like this would put an interesting twist on the story :) Chapter 7 also ended with an interesting cliffhanger, and I am dying to read about Brinley's past experience and why she is so tentative around Holden!

The characters are very nicely developed, and they are described quite thoroughly. In the first chapter, the audience was already told what kinds of people Brinley's parents were and how they communicate. This instantly gives the reader an understanding of who the characters are and why they react to different situations the way that they do. 

Additionally, the character's actions are just as clear as their words. In Chapter 1, when you wrote that Brenden's expression seemed fake, the audience instantly assumed that he was a shallow person. Later, when he simply told Brinley that he wanted to break up with her, your readers could see that he was, in fact, quite shallow. 

The conversation between characters flows very well, and the characters seem very comfortable. The encounters between them are not at all awkward, which makes the story seem quite realistic. The physical traits of each of the characters are also nicely described, which allows your readers to clearly imagine them (even without face claims).

Overall, I really enjoyed the story and I am looking forward to more updates!

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