Expectations {Siana}

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More gay shit bitch

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I loved my brother and I would do anything to keep him safe. But honestly, I hated certain factors of him.

The way he manifested before me.

The way he's stronger than me.

Fitz gets all the praise. They don't realize it but he's their favorite even if they don't say it.

And I especially hate the way everyone I like has a crush on him.

There is a lacking number of homosexual elves, but I didn't mean boys. I meant girls.

I'm not a lesbian. I'm a pansexual. I never really thought much about it. Seeing as it seemed more like a human thing to have different sexualities.

But...Sophie changed that perspective for me.

I didn't like her for being different at first. She was just so weird and nothing like a normal elf should be. But then.. I saw who she really was. Her potential. Her personality. I was so dragged in, I didn't know how to pull myself out.

Maybe I shouldn't pull myself out.

Maybe I should just drown.

Don't fight it Biana.. Its okay.

No.. No its not.

I sat on my bed, curling up and crying. Its not okay. Its not okay to be me. It hurt to be me. But it hurt to pretend to be someone else. It was so unfair.

I heard a knock at my door. My teal hues shot to the door and I vanished. The only good thing about being a Vanisher.

I can be invisible when I want to be.

All I want is to be invisible.

I don't want to face my parents. I don't want to face my brother. I don't want to face my friends. I don't want to face my brother..

I don't want to face Sophie..

I don't want to face my heart.

The door opened. It was Sophie.

My heartbeat quickened. Stop. Please stop. I don't want to anymore. I can't. I shouldn't. Yet it didn't listen to me. Persisting. Quickening as I set my eyes on the gorgeous girl who stepped into my room.

Her beautiful brown eyes scanned her surroundings. Looking for me. I melted at the thought. She was looking for me. She wanted to know where I was. Should I? No. I had an internal battle. Biana Vacker. I am Biana Vacker.

And Biana Vacker does not have a crush on Sophie Foster.

"Biana?" Her soft voice rung.

God damn it..

I slowly unveiled myself, averting my puffy red eyes to my bed sheets. I could sense her frown. She's disappointed.

"What's wrong.." She murmured.

I chewed my chapped bottom lip. I probably looked miserable. Which says a lot, even I'll admit I care about my appearance a lot.

That was the difference between Sophie and I. I could style myself to look more beautiful. But Sophie didn't have to do anything. She could smile and that alone made her even more gorgeous than she already was.

"I'm just..dealing with some personal problems. Feelings." I stammered.

What else was I supposed to say. Oh I'm just crushing really hard on you because you're so pretty and perfect and everything about you is so wonderful and I hate myself for it.

Sophie sat down next to me, removing her gloves. I froze and my breath hitched as her bare hand floated to my cheek. She caressed the tear stained skin with her thumb. Smiling weakly.

"You know I'll always be here to talk to you about your problems. It's okay to vent to me, I'm here for you."

Don't be.

With her hand on my cheek, my mind darted everywhere. Imagining things with her. Even though I shouldn't. It made me scream internally.

Holding her hand as we sit under Calla's tree. Wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her close while she scans scrolls for clues and hints. Caressing her face as she sleeps to make sure she doesn't have a nightmare. Just. Being there. The fantasies filled my head like fog and I couldn't think.

I knew the blonde could see the distress on my face. Because she frowned and wrapped her arms around me. My heartbeat quickened its pace, dashing like a jackalope.

Her head rested itself on my shoulder.

Oh god.

"Sophie.. I can't talk to you about this.. I really can't.."

"Its okay. I won't judge you. I will never judge you." Don't be so sure. "Is this about matchmaking scrolls? Or Keefe?"

No it's not about that idiot.. Its you. You're my problem.

I wanted to scream it til my lungs gave out.

"Its you."

Oh no.

I had blurted it without giving it a second thought. What do I do.

Sophies eyebrows furrowed, her brown eyes flooded with hurt and concern. I knew. I had to tell her now. If I didn't, I'd have to live for eternity thinking about the day I hurt her feelings and never bothered to explain myself.

"You're my problem." Immediately my voice broke. I had expected myself to be a little stronger but this made me so fragile.

"But you.. Sophie you're the most beautiful problem I've ever had." I choked out. "You make me feel these things that I don't want to feel! Yet I love the sensation they give me. And.. I love you. I love your eyes. The way you smile. How determined and loyal you are. You're gorgeous and perfect. And youre my biggest problem. Because I'll never be good enough for you.

You're the great Sophie Foster. The Moonlark. The messiah of our world. I can't possibly expect you to love me like I love you. You must think it's disgusting anyways. I don't blame you. I don't understand what it is either. I did all my research. But I still don't understand what you do to me.. so.. that's it."

Tears rushed down my face, I could probably flood the room. I felt ashamed and like a monster. I could feel her staring at me. The room was silent and tense and I just wanted to disappear. But vanishing wouldn't even help me feel better..

"Biana.." I swallowed thickly.

"I don't love you."

My heart shattered into a million pieces. I knew it. I knew it. I was going to break right here and I didn't ever want to come back-

"But.. I'm willing to try."

I felt her hand hold mine, lacing our fingers together.

"Love is a strong word.. I like you. I think deep down a part of me always has.." She smiled at me. That smile. It melted me and tore me 101 different ways.

Sophie pulled me into her arms, putting her head on mine. She kissed my head, smiling. I could feel her curved lips. And everything felt right in the world.

"There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with us. It's going to be perfectly okay.. don't worry.."

I won't..not as long as I'm with you...

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