Chapter Four

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CHAPTER FOUR


The sun was coming in through the window and I still couldn't sleep, but I was so tired. It was like my mind was on a revolver, spinning my thoughts. I picked up my phone and downloaded the Facebook app back onto my phone. I knew what I was exposing myself to but I needed to know more. I typed in my information, having deja vu from the first time I made the account when I was thirteen.

My thumb hovered over the search bar, shaking. Just do it, I told myself over and over again until I began to type in the name Dixon Shaw, the guy Cameron thought was our father.

I took a closer look. I could see the similarities, the almond-shaped brown eyes, the chiseled jaw, and straight nose, but the brain can play tricks. Maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see.

I shook my head. I didn't want to go to school. I didn't think I'd be able to think about doing schoolwork, with all of these other thoughts. It was like my world had been turned upside down because of one little secret. Cameron had already had time to think it all over, whereas it was all new to me. Adopted...

My alarm clock went off, making me jump. I was already wide awake, which was an unusual way to start my morning. Typically I would lay in bed until I had to get up and then speed through my routine. Today it felt like I had way too much time. I got up out of bed and got dressed. I had one clean pair of pants left, a pair of high rise boyfriend jeans and I pulled out my black long sleeve crop top to match.

I loved makeup, but even beating my face with a beauty blender seemed like too much work. Still, I went through my normal routine, foundation, setting powder, bronzer, highlight, and mascara.

A light knock on my door made me spin around. My mom popped her head in. "Hi honey, can I come in?"

I gulped. "Uh, yeah sure." I set down the mascara wand and took a seat on the bed.

"How are you doing? I know you were caught by surprise by all of that last night." She sat down on the bed next to me and pushed my hair from off my shoulder.

"That's an understatement." Tears rushed to my eyes but I couldn't cry. My makeup was already done. I blinked about ten times, pushing the tears away. "How do you think I'm doing?"

"Samara, please understand that we never meant to hurt you." She put her hand on mine, but I pulled away.

"It really doesn't feel like it. You're not my mother and you never told me." This time I couldn't help it, the tears just poured down. I clutched my hand over my mouth, shaking my head.

"Listen to me. I am your mother. I raised you and your brother. Biology does not make a family. I love you so much." She wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. "I am your mother..." I hugged back and for a minute I felt like I was a child again.

I pulled back and wiped my tears away. "I need to finish getting ready for school."

"Okay. We'll talk more tonight, alright?"

I nodded and watched her walk out the door, closing it loosely behind her. I looked at myself in the mirror. My makeup was smeared, with lines down the foundation where the tears had dripped down my face. It was a quick fix, nothing my beauty blender couldn't handle. I took a deep breath and promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore today, putting a smile on my face.

My bedroom door burst open and Lucy came running in. She had picked out her own outfit today, I could tell. She was wearing a light blue jean shirt with pastel pink leggings.

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