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"Gēgē?"

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Jisung's oddly inspirational speech forced the members of NCT to figure out why and what happened for their precious Chinese baby to hate himself so much.

The dreamies in their very emotional states stayed behind with Chenle and Jungwoo to watch over Renjun while everyone else (including Jisung) searched the dreamie's dorm to find the answers they need.

Fortunately for Johnny who came across a stack of letters written in neat Chinese, he had two and a half translators on hand.

"Winwinnie, Kunnie!" Johnny shouted out, "I need some help!"

In a matter of seconds he heard two sets of feet pattering into the room, and he turned around to face them. Their bloodshot eyes and and sickly expressions made his heart wrench, but he knew that these letters are important.

"There's 17 of them, one seems half done and I recognise our names" Johnny states, before handing over the notes. Winwin and Kun scan the notes on top of each stack, before Kun speaks.

"To my dearest Jaehyun Hyung,

I know that I am not as perfect as you are, your kindness radiates off of you in such a beautiful way that it makes everyone's heart flutter with love and appreciation. I hope that one day, if I keep up my hard work, I'll be just as kind.

My voice will never be as amazing as yours, all High pitches and gross but I will work until my vocal chords tear to make you proud of me.

Love, Junnie"

Johnny, Kun and Winwin choke up as Kun finished reading aloud.

"They're all like that" Winwin whispers, scanning through them. "He tells you how much he appreciates you and why. Everyone's reason is different" he hiccups as he cries. "I've failed to look after my little brother" Winwin cries into Kun's shoulders, who's own tears stream silently down his face.

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Jisung, Doyoung, Taeil and Jaehyun made the grim discovery of the diary.

Hidden under Renjun's mattress rested a thick brown diary. Reluctantly, Taeil was the one to open it, and felt like throwing up at the contents.

Three times a day Renjun would measure his weight, body measurements and his overall appearance.

He started off light, but his latest entry put him in at 47 kgs.

Doyoung emptied the contents of his stomach on the floor when everything settled in from the pages of the diary, causing Jisung and Jaehyun to step backwards in surprise and Taeil to slam the diary shut.

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Lucas and Ten found the jar of salt water, mustard and room temperature water on the bottom shelf on the drink cupboard. Unsure of the contents and why they existed, they pulled it out and left it on the bench, and called in Taeil who had the diary.

"Do you know what this is?" Ten asked, holding up the Jar. He didn't even need to open the diary to answer.

"It's a solution that can make you feel sick and throw up," he began, "when I was a trainee I tried it. I told renjun about my experiences as a trainee and clearly he listens very well to the things we tell him."

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Taeyong and Yuta found the worst tasting icing on the cake. A small box full of deconstructed sharper's and blades. Some new, some rusted, some bloody. The look in Yuta's eyes was one never seen before by anybody, such a heartbreaking yet dull glaze over his eyes, bloodshot and vacant.

"I got him this sharper" Yuta spoke, a soul crushing smile on his face. He picked up the single sharper that was not pulled apart. "He told me that it motivates him when he needs it most whether he's drawing or not."

This was the night Taeyong saw Yuta truly come undone.

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Hello! I know this chapter wasn't Renjun focused but it all important. Thanks for the same three people being my hypemen and I appreciate y'all.

Perfect - Renjun // NCT Where stories live. Discover now