The cold air seems to stab my lungs but I don't care. I've missed the fresh air. I carefully observe the world as it goes by me in a blur. It's dark out but the stars brighten the sky. I snuck out after all the initiates went to dinner. No one seemed to noticed my absence. I needed to get away, that's all. Today I survived my first fight. I didn't win but I'm alive. Clara does seem like a nice girl but she can fight. I know I can improve, yet I have a disadvantage. At thirteen I was told that I had athsma, something that affects your breathing. It's very rare now to have but apparently people used to nearly always have it. This was before our improved society. Now it's just rare and annoying. Just my luck though, really. I don't want Four or Six to find out though. I'm afraid that if they know I shall be Dauntless no more. A shame really. The train takes a turn and I see a park. I stand and leap out of the car, making a not too graceful landing. Once I'm standing again and I've caught my breath I walk into the park and lie down on the cool, wet grass. I sigh as I breathe and stare into the night. The fresh air is wonderful and the stars are captivating. I slightly regret not bringing a jacket as the wet blades of grass dig into my back. My hands are wrapped around a black piece of plastic on my stomach. Augustus gave it to me earlier. I think he found out where I was going but didn't invite himself along. Instead, he have me a walkie talkie. Bless that boy. After five minutes I decide to give it a try. Nervously, I lift the walkie talkie up. "Um, hello?"
"Hello Hazel Grace." Gus immediately answers. I smile.
"So, where are you this evening?"
"In a park, on the grass, looking at the stars. You?"
"Nothing as grand as that I can ashore you. I'm currently walking towards the chasm, alone. No, I'm mistaken. I'm not alone. I have you, Hazel Grace." I blush. "So," he pauses for a moment. "Mwhat is wyour plan?" I start to wonder why is words are so clumsy and mumbled. So I ask why. "Gus, why your words suddenly clumsy?"
"Ah, that Hazel Grace," he pauses again. "Is a good question. My words were clumsy because I had a cigarette in my mouth. I just took it out."
I'm taken aback by his response. A cigarette? No. "What the hell Augustus!" I yell. "Why would you do that? Smoking kills you AND your lungs and let me tell you, not being able to breathe SUCKS!" I hear him laugh. He thinks this is funny? "You just ruined the entire thing."
"The entire thing? Aw man." He says jokingly. "But you see Hazel, I've never lit one."
"It's a metaphor. See, you put the killing thing right between your teeth but you don't give it the power to do its killing. A metaphor." Eventually I get it. "Ohhh, so your not killing yourself?"
"Correct." He laughs back. I blush slightly. "What do you mean by 'it sucks not being able to breathe'?" he asks.
"Um, it's a secret."
"Hazel Grace you can trust me."
"I hardly know you Gus!"
"Well, you know my name and I know yours. We have nicknames for each other. It's a start." I sigh in frustration. "Fine I'll tell you. I have asthma."
"Weren't you an Erudite?"
"Yes but as you can see I got off that train and jumped onto the Dauntless one, literally." I laugh at his response. "Well, asthma is something that can affect your breathing. Don't ask for details, please. It's too annoying and complicated." I hear him laugh so I do too. "Gus, where did you find the walkie talkies?" I ask. Seriously, where would he find them. "Brilliant question Hazel Grace."
"Will you ever call me just Hazel."
"Fine I will once, Just Hazel. See? Done. And please be quiet you ruined my train of thought." I laugh once again but keep my mouth shut. "Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. I found these in Six's apartment." My face looses all of its colour. I find it hard to speak. "What. The. Hell. Gus." I say shakily. "Please. Repeat."
"Hazel Grace, I was joking!" he says, ignoring my attempt to correct him. "One of my friends kindly gave me two to borrow. He needs them back unfortunately, although I'm not sure why. Not like it will help him see a better side of life. Nothing can. He has to imagine it."
"Oh my god you know Isaac too!" I scream.
"Patience, grasshopper. And yes of course I do. Nearly every member of freakin Dauntless does. His some kind of legend, not just some Dauntless member. But he can't see the difference." I just shake my head at his blind jokes. Isaac was not blind yet, but soon to be. Currently he has one glass eye and one regular eye. Soon he'll have no eyes. Poor kid. He is living in Dauntless and acting like this is normal. He's pretty cool in that sense. I've had a couple of conversations with him, hopefully more in the near future. Initiation makes things hard. "So what do you think about Four and Six?" Gus asks. I think for a moment.
"Well, first of all weird choice of names. I'm desperate to find out the meaning behind them. Six seems nice but a bit scary. Four is intimidating. You?"
"I think that they can both be intimidating and that Six is hot."
"Joking, Hazel Grace! Geez, I need to give you a lesson in sarcasm. Anyway, yes Six is hot but no one can deny that. I bet you think Four is hot. But I don't like like her." I nod. We talk for a while longer. I soon realise that I should head back. "I need to get going." I sigh into the walkie talkie. Augustus sighs as well. "Okay then. I shall see you soon, Hazel Grace. Okay?"
"Okay." I reply.
"Okay." he says again. I laugh and reply, "Okay." He laughs this time.
"Maybe okay can be our always." I smile and I'm tempted to say okay, but I don't. Instead I turn off the walkie talkie and stand. Isaac and his girlfriend have a thing where they will 'always' love each other and that crap. Everyone seems to know that. So I like that we have something too. Okay can be our always, and it will.