Chapter 26 - lies

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POV Ethan


We went to the warehouse right after leaving the harbor.
Mao fell asleep in the car while I was driving.
I stopped the music and focused on the road.
Sometimes I would look at her, checking if she was okay, if she was still breathing.

Unconsciously I was afraid that if I leave my eyes off her, she will disappear.


Maybe I jumped to conclusion earlier, when I said she looked healthier.
Because right now she is so tired, for some reason, and it is not even midnight.
I can clearly see her hands shaking, she is not okay.

Maybe she has moments where she looks and feels healthier, but maybe those moments doesn't last long.
I have no idea.
The chemo she had had earlier may have caused that.
I can't stop thinking about that day at the warehouse when she pasted out in front of me and Gray, I can't stop thinking that it that happens again and Gray is not here with me I'll not be able to handle it.
Gray is my rock.
I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like without him.
I would be miserable.
The things I do...
All the choices I make...
I only do it because I know that if it breaks down, or if it breaks me, Gray will always be there to pick up the pieces.

And bring me back to life.


"Mao." I called her to wake her up once I parked in front of the warehouse.
At first she had no reaction so I got out of the car and made my way to her side.
I opened the door.
"Mao, we're here." I said a little bit louder.
This time she opened her eyes.
"Come on." I said and give her my hand for support as she get out of my car.

I unlocked the door of the warehouse and held it open for her.


"Gray and I put a big couch upstairs, you want to go to sleep ?" I asked her.
"Yes." She replied.
"Let's go then." I said.
We started getting up the stairs but I quickly realized that Mao will never be able to do it by herself.
She was to weak right now.
"Let me help you."
I put a hand behind her back and the other held her legs.
I carried her upstairs and sat her on the couch.

I hate seeing her like that.

I'm scared.

"Mao, do you want me to drive you to the hospital ?" I asked.
"I'm good Ethan, it's normal, I'm just really tired."
I looked at her and she was giving me a soft smile, a smile to tell me that she was okay.

But a fake smile.

I know her now.

"You're sure ?"
"I am."
"Alright." I said, skeptical.
She was not telling me the truth, and I knew it.
She was lying and I wasn't enough for her to trust me.
That hurts.
I want to be enough for her.
I want her to trust me, but I guess I'm not good enough.


I helped Mao taking her oversized hoodie and shoes off and then I did the same.
We laid down on the couch, pressed on each other.
I had my arms around her and her head was on my chest.
It could have been perfect. But something wasn't right. I could feel it in the air.
Her breathing was slow.

Too slow.

I'm scared.
But I know too well that if I ask her if she is okay she'll say that she is. And if I ask her to tell me what's going on she'll lie to me.

I'm loosing her. And I've been loosing her since the very first day.
I don't even know if that makes sense.

She said she wanted to be with me. And I think she meant it, so what is she doing ?

What game is she playing ?


"Mao ?" I murmured.
"Yeah ?" She said with her very tired voice.

I closed my eyes, my fingers running in her hair slowly.

"Please don't ever leave me."

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