We went to the warehouse right after leaving the harbor.
Mao fell asleep in the car while I was driving.
I stopped the music and focused on the road.
Sometimes I would look at her, checking if she was okay, if she was still breathing.
Unconsciously I was afraid that if I leave my eyes off her, she will disappear.
Maybe I jumped to conclusion earlier, when I said she looked healthier.
Because right now she is so tired, for some reason, and it is not even midnight.
I can clearly see her hands shaking, she is not okay.
Maybe she has moments where she looks and feels healthier, but maybe those moments doesn't last long.
I have no idea.
The chemo she had had earlier may have caused that.
I can't stop thinking about that day at the warehouse when she pasted out in front of me and Gray, I can't stop thinking that it that happens again and Gray is not here with me I'll not be able to handle it.
Gray is my rock.
I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like without him.
I would be miserable.
The things I do...
All the choices I make...
I only do it because I know that if it breaks down, or if it breaks me, Gray will always be there to pick up the pieces.
And bring me back to life.
"Mao." I called her to wake her up once I parked in front of the warehouse.
At first she had no reaction so I got out of the car and made my way to her side.
I opened the door.
"Mao, we're here." I said a little bit louder.
This time she opened her eyes.
"Come on." I said and give her my hand for support as she get out of my car.
I unlocked the door of the warehouse and held it open for her.
"Gray and I put a big couch upstairs, you want to go to sleep ?" I asked her.
"Yes." She replied.
"Let's go then." I said.
We started getting up the stairs but I quickly realized that Mao will never be able to do it by herself.
She was to weak right now.
"Let me help you."
I put a hand behind her back and the other held her legs.
I carried her upstairs and sat her on the couch.
I hate seeing her like that.
"Mao, do you want me to drive you to the hospital ?" I asked.
"I'm good Ethan, it's normal, I'm just really tired."
I looked at her and she was giving me a soft smile, a smile to tell me that she was okay.
But a fake smile.
I know her now.
"You're sure ?"
"Alright." I said, skeptical.
She was not telling me the truth, and I knew it.
She was lying and I wasn't enough for her to trust me.
I want to be enough for her.
I want her to trust me, but I guess I'm not good enough.
I helped Mao taking her oversized hoodie and shoes off and then I did the same.
We laid down on the couch, pressed on each other.
I had my arms around her and her head was on my chest.
It could have been perfect. But something wasn't right. I could feel it in the air.
Her breathing was slow.
But I know too well that if I ask her if she is okay she'll say that she is. And if I ask her to tell me what's going on she'll lie to me.
I'm loosing her. And I've been loosing her since the very first day.
I don't even know if that makes sense.
She said she wanted to be with me. And I think she meant it, so what is she doing ?
What game is she playing ?
"Mao ?" I murmured.
"Yeah ?" She said with her very tired voice.
I closed my eyes, my fingers running in her hair slowly.
"Please don't ever leave me."
YOU ARE READING
Ethan had his life all planned. He knew who he was, he knew what he loved, he had everything he ever wanted. But then he met Mao. And everything changed. And sometimes the most beautiful things hurt the most. - COMPLETED -