Your President is a Lizard

31 5 5

Written by DeeJAY

Translated by Kourtnie

Hoomans, it's come to my cattention 

your president is a lizard. Every year, 

your leaders meet to meow about 

secrets like the DNA sequence for thumbs

and a New World Order: a government 

accountable to no one. We members of 

Feline Society #337 believe only 1% of 

hoomans rule Americatta, as well as 

other corners of hooman world, because

most of your leaders are lizards 

who enslave you with entertainment, 

taxes, and scratching posts. But these 

are not the lizards we deliver

to our hoomans from backyards

to practice self-protection;

these lizard people settled

on hooman world from 

two centuries to many millenia ago

in some wuzzy, unscientific space

similar to religion, and now

lizard people hide among you 

like a Dungeons & Dragons style creature, 

with shape-shifting powers that rival 

the ever-elusive and tasty octopus. 

What do they seek, you ask? 

Monatomic gold, which has not been 

proven real, yet is revered by chemistry 

experts such as the Fullmetal Alchemist 

and President Trump's science advisor.

What was that? President Trump does not 

have a science advisor?

Wasn't Watergate Man the last president

to dismiss that position as unimportant?

The lizards are bold these days...

♥ About the Author ♥ This Cat Appreciates Voltaire 

Two-year-old tabby and street cat DeeJAY (or DJ for short) prefers Voltaire to other philosophers, except Philosopher Jones, alpha of their hooman-owned household. 

Up Next

Philosopher Jones will explore the trauma of growing up in a cage.

American CatseyeRead this story for FREE!