Chapter 19 - you don't

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1 month later


I was at hospital for my chemotherapy because I accepted to keep doing chemo.

At least for a few more months...

Ethan, Grayson and Bryant are in Australia for meetings and a shooting, they come back tonight.
I'm excited to see them, it's been two weeks since they left.

They gave me the key to the warehouse so I don't get bored alone in LA. But for being honest, with my appointments at the hospital, my work at the harbor with my father and me hanging out with James, I didn't had any time to go there.

James is amazing, I understand why the twins love to hang out with him, he is extremely funny, smart and kind.


Ethan facetimed me while waiting for his Uber when he landed in LA.

I think he is scared people would see my face in the screen of his phone because the camera is extremely close to his face.
He really do looks like a turtle mixed with a antelope from this view.

He still looks good tho, what the fuck ?

"You look pale, are you sure this shit is good for you ?" He asked me.
"It's not supposed to make me feel better e. Its just supposed to stop the cancer." I replied laughing.
"Does it works ?"
"No, not really. But it happens sometimes. Someday it works, someday it doesn't, we can't control that."
"That's so unfair !" He said, putting the camera even more closer to his face.
"I know, many things are unfair in this world. Like the fact that you look great even tho your camera is showing you in your worst angle."

Ethan remain quiet a few seconds.

"You think I look great ?" He asked.

I blushed hard.

"No, I... I mean yes, but... Oh shut up !" I said trying to think about what to answer.

He laughed, proud of himself to have made me uncomfortable and awkward.

"I hate you so much."
"No you don't." He said.

This time he put his phone at a reasonable distance from his face to see me better.

"No you don't..." He repeated, whispering and looking down.

He was calm and it was like he knew something I didn't.
He was saying those words like they meant the world to him and honestly, that warmed up my heart.
He let out a small awkward laugh, and God, he really is the cutest and more beautiful thing on earth, it's unbelievable.

"No I don't." I confessed.

Ethan looked at me in the eyes and his looked more green than they ever did.


"What about Gray and I come pick you up once we finally come back to our house ?" Ethan asked me.
"Good. Wait for us in front of the hospital when you finish, we won't be long."

I nodded.

For a few seconds neither of us talked.
We were staring at each other's eyes.
A few times Ethan eyes looked at my lips but he always quickly continues to stare at my eyes.

"I think you look great too." He finally said.

I don't know why, but hearing that made me so sad.

It was like something in my broke.

It was like the barrier I had built around my heart broke.

And it hurts.

Ethan is changing me.

He is changing everything I set up to survive, and I'm scared.
I'm scared because now that I'm so close to death, I want to live.

I want to live so bad.

I want to hear Ethan's voice everyday of my life, I want to hear him talk about his life and hear him tell me that I'm beautiful.
I want to see that happy and perfect face everyday.

Is it too much to ask ?

I mean, is it too much to ask for someone like me ?

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