Chapter 15 - story of the past

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"I was 12." I started.

"I was walking out of school with my best friend. Her name was Eva, she was everything I had at that time. She was taller than me and her hair was darker than the night. She was very beautiful, and she was basically all I wanted to be. This particular day we had to go to Time Square because my Mom had an appointment there. So we were walking across the streets, talking care not to get hit by a car. We walked, during a very long time. And all of a sudden I started bleeding from my nose. Not much at first so Eva told me I was fine and it was because of the cold weather. I believed her. So we kept walking. I remember how scared I was. Because deep down, I was so so scared. I didn't wanted to tell Eva I wasn't okay at all though. Because I thought she will not believe me and she'll tell the whole school I was weak. I guess she was my best friend at that time, but I wasn't hers... I kind of always knew I cared more about her than she cared about me, but I wouldn't admit it. Anyway. I said nothing and we walked through New York, side by side. I was feeling so sick and so weak, but I jest it all together and acted like everything was fine. Blood was still coming out of my nose and I was putting my sleeve on it to stop the bleeding. I remember that I was thinking about my Mom and the fact that she were going to kill me for ruining my sweater. Eva told me to hurry up because we were going to be late. So we ran. And then a few steps later, I passed out."

I looked down at my hands.

"The next day, when I woke up, I was so confused, I didn't know where I was, no one was around. I was so scared... And when I started crying, seeing all those big tubes connected to my body, my parents and my little brother entered the room. I was at the hospital. I remember this scared look my patents had on. My brother was only 5, he was too young to understand what was going on. The doctor then came into my room. I remember he was with a nurse. Her name was Catherine, and she was going to take care of me personally for the next 6 years. But I didn't knew that at that time, obviously. Anyway, the doctor came and asked my parents to sit down. Sam, my brother, was in my Mom's arms. The doctor told us that what he was about to say was going to change everything and that our lives will never be the same. That was hard to believe, I was just 12... He told us I was sick. Very sick. And my dad asked the doctor to tell us absolutely everything. And that's when he told us that I had cancer. That I had leukemia."

I posed a few seconds.

"I lost all my friends."

A tear run down my cheek.

"Who wants to be friends with the dying girl ?Even Eva forgot about me. Today I think she took my disease as an opportunity, it actually was her only chance to get rid of me. But back then I thought I was a monster and I deserved that. I thought Eva was way too cool to hang out with someone like me. And I promised myself I would never make friends again. And growing up it was not only for preventing myself from people like Eva, but also because I couldn't even consider hurting someone I loved and who loved me. Because I'm a bombshell. Ready to burst at any moment... Destroying everything and everyone in my way... But then I met you guys..."

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