I'm Trying...

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Why can't I open my eyes? Why am I so lethargic and why is my entire body screaming in pain? 

For days now I have been drifting in and out of unconsciousness, unable to open my eyes to see my surroundings  or the faces belonging to the voices I hear. When I'm not in a deep sleep, I try and try to open my eyes and mouth, but nothing ever happens. I can't see them and I can't tell them I'm here, that I can hear them and I'm okay.

I am okay, aren't I?


The next time I'm alert, I hear a voice that I don't recognize speaking. "The good news is that she has fully recovered from her splenectomy and the internal bleeding she has been experiencing off and on is one hundred percent under control." 

Splenectomy? Internal bleeding? 

"That's what you said the first time, and then look what happened." My dad's voice booms, no longer trying to hide his frustration with the doctor.

"Sir, there was a lot going on the first time that we tried to fix the injury, it was hidden under a lot of internal damage and we couldn't see it until everything else was taken care of. I assure you, we got it this time." 

I hear my dad mumbling something under his breath as my mom thanks the doctor and then I hear a door close. 

"Tom..." My mom's voice is barely audible, and I can hear the tears in her voice. 

"I know, Hope, I know." 

I feel my mom's soft hand take mine and I try so hard to squeeze it, but I'm so sleepy....


I hear nurses shuffling around my bed, checking monitors and feeling my pulse. 

One moves my hair behind my ear and then I can feel her stick me with a needle and taking my blood.

The start to talk to each other about one of the doctors and my mind drifts back to black.


"Annie, you have to wake up because you are not going to believe what Harper said today." 

Fieldan launches into a lengthy, overly exaggerated rant about Harper at cheer practice today and I try to open my mouth and tell her that Harper was being a bitch, but nothing comes out, my mouth doesn't even open.

When she's done ranting, I hear her fall heavily into one of the chairs that is pulled up close to my bed. All the anger is drained from her, "Annie, please." 


"Field, babe, you can't sleep here, come on. We'll come back tomorrow." Nate's voice is the first thing I hear when I come out of my deep sleep - or whatever this is - and I know that it must be the weekend, or else he would be away at college. How many days have I been like this? 

"Mmm, I wanna stay." Fieldan's voice is sleepy and thick, like she's barely awake. 

"We'll come back, I promise." 

She mumbles a reply and I hear things being picked up and a chair scooting. "Goodnight, Ian."

My heart picks up at the sound of his name, I had no idea he was here. In all the times that I've drifted back to consciousness, I have never heard his name or his voice.

"Goodnight, Field." When I hear his reply it's coming from right beside me. I try harder than ever to open my eyes, to say something, to move my hands - but nothing. 

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