The Adventures of a Scrawny Musician and a Compulsive Liar

15. Paranoia

            “Wakey, wakey, little Laurie, time to GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED YOU LAZY FUCK.” I heard Isobel screech at me the next morning.   

            “No.” I tugged the covers over my head.

            “Fine, then I guess I’m just gonna have this nice, cool, refreshing Coke all by myself.” Before she finished her sentence, I was already up and draining half the can’s contents.

            Wiping my mouth with my arm, I asked, “Where’s Natalie?”

            Isobel took the empty can from me and threw it away. “Don’t worry, she’s downstairs with the rest of them. Did you know we’re in Mississippi already? That’s pretty insane.”

            Looking around, I realized that Evan and Nathaniel were nowhere to be seen. “What time is it?”

            “God, what’s with all the questions! It’s seven-thirty and we’re leaving at eight so I suggest you take a quick shower and run downstairs for breakfast. Your girlfriend already packed all your stuff. She’s a keeper.” Isobel said as she fixed her hair in the mirror and applied another coat of lip-gloss. “Be downstairs in ten, alright?” Ruffling my hair like I was a puppy, she turned around and left the room, closing the door behind her.

            Bzzz.

            I look around for the source of the noise and saw that it came from my phone. Oh crap. Mom and Beth. Make sure to call me when you stop for the night, Laurie! Unlocking my phone, I grow a little faint at what I read. Twenty missed calls and fourteen text messages. All from my mother. Before I could send a frantic text telling Mom not to call the cops, my phone started to ring and the woman herself is calling me.

            Pressing answer, I gulped. “Mom—”

            “YOU GET YOUR BUTT HOME RIGHT NOW, YOUNG MAN I SWEAR IF YOU DIDN’T CALL ME IN THE NEXT FIFTEEN MINUTES I WOULD’VE SICCED A PACK OF DOBERMANS ON YOUR TRAIL YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD—”

            “Mom! Calm down! We got in last night at eleven and I fell asleep and forgot to call you. We’re in Mississippi.” I frantically tried to explain.

            There’s a pause before Mom continues in a much calmer voice, “Where in Mississippi?”

            “Well, uh, I’m not exactly sure—”

            “NOT SURE?”

            “DON’T WORRY MOM, WE’RE SAFE OK I LOVE YOU BYE.” Hanging up like a pussy, I threw the phone onto the pullout couch somewhere and walked to the bathroom to take a nice, relaxing five-minute shower.

            “Okay, so here’s the plan,” Nathaniel started out as he read from a scribbled list on a hotel notepad. “Wake up call’s at seven, we head out at eight, lunch is at twelve. We’ll stop for an hour and continue driving at one. Dinner break’s at five and we stop for another hour. We’ll find a hotel and crash for the night at nine.” Evan raised his hand. Nathaniel rolled his eyes and then said, “Yes, Evan?”

            “What’s the driving order?” Evan asked.

            “Well, Evan. Since you’re seated in the driver’s seat right now I’m assuming it’s going to start with you. Um, I guess I’ll go next and Laurie can go last.” Nathaniel said.