Was it Fate?

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Author: Heart_of_Dandelions

Genre: Paranormal

Mature


The cover is absolutely gorgeous and it looks professionally done. People are always told not to judge a book by its cover, but most of us tend to do so regardless. Your cover is very attention-grasping, and I'm sure many readers are drawn to the story specifically because of it. It also fits the paranormal genre quite well. I don't understand the significance of the title, but that is likely because I haven't read deeply enough into the story. Despite this, I can clearly imagine how it may fit as I continue reading.

Your details and explanations are incredibly thorough and they address any questions that the reader may have. The first chapter was already deeply described, and I could vividly picture the playground, Daisy's swing, Simon, etc. This doesn't stop here; the details and descriptions continue through every chapter of the story, and there was not a moment where I felt confused. The setting and characters are always very detailed and the reader can effortlessly follow the story along.

The overall writing is incredible, but I did catch a couple minor grammatical errors in the first few chapters of the story:
- Chapter 1: "She only knew what she'd been told since she was young she didn't know much but what she did know was that once a person had passed, a door appeared before them." This sentence is a run-on, which awkwardly drags the reader through the explanation. To fix this, you could change it to something like "She only knew what she'd been told since she was young. She didn't know much, but what she did know was that once a person had passed, a door appeared before them." Additionally, I noticed a second error in this sentence after analyzing it. You wrote: "...once a person had passed, a door appeared before them." In this section, there is a disagreement in numbers. "A person," is singular, but the word "them" is plural. This could either be changed to "once people passed, a door appeared before them," or "once a person had passed, a door appeared before him/her." 
- Chapter 4: I noticed one other run-on in the middle of Chapter 4: "The elders executed him for his sins and Alexandria Dalziel took his place but there are those who think he still lives to this day." To make this sentence more fluid, I suggest perhaps adding a comma before the word "but." 

The story flows very nicely and consistently, and it is very attention-grasping. The audience is able to keep up with each of the characters, especially since the story is written from multiple viewpoints. My first impression of the story was through Daisy's point-of-view, and I was pleasantly surprised by the detail and thought that went into the chapter. All of the main points were perfectly explained, such as how Daisy acquired her ability, how one becomes a spirit, etc. The first chapter came together beautifully and all of the audience's first questions were answered. The second chapter was also nicely put together, and it allowed the audience to read behind Oliver's life. The encounters between characters were very smooth, and it was clearly explained how they came together. It is entertaining to read about multiple different characters and what they are experiencing. As I continued reading, I was able to understand the positions of multiple different characters as the paranormal tale unraveled.

I find that all of the characters respond realistically to the scenarios in the story. In the first chapter, all of the children laugh at Polly's name. This was an expected reaction from a group of 10 year-olds, and it didn't seem forced. You also did an excellent job of describing how each of the characters look--I had no trouble imagining any of them. The dialogue also accurately fits each of the characters, and I was able to clearly picture them saying the words that they spoke.

 In the second chapter, Oliver and Gray are very nicely developed. I can picture Gray quite easily, and Oliver seems quite likable, despite his overconfident mindset. I find the variety of different characters very interesting and they keep the readers hooked.

Daisy in particular perfectly encompasses a ten year-old. She is blunt, and it is entertaining to the audience to read some of her comments. I really enjoy how she is such a developed character, yet she is so mysterious that I cannot decide how I feel about her. I have noticed some little hints of humor and backhanded comments intertwined with what she says, and this keeps your audience entertained. 

Overall, the story is beautifully developed and very nicely written. The time and effort that is put into this story is reflected by the thousands of reads and 1,000+ votes. This is absolutely a story that I am excited to continue reading!

*Analysis is based on the first 5 chapters

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