Anna Cornell

52 6 2

Author: wavyhazy

Genre: Science Fiction

Mature


I find the cover to be cute and appealing, and the girl on the cover matches Anna's overall rebellious and outgoing personality. The title also fits perfectly, as it is the name of the main character. No going wrong here!

I didn't notice any overused words throughout the story, and your vocabulary is impressive. Your descriptions are clear and the audience can always clearly picture where Anna is and how she is feeling. The things that could use some more descriptions are the people. I don't know what Anna, Mafalda, John, Henry, etc. look like, I only know how they act. 

I noticed a few very minor grammar mistakes throughout the story so far:
Prologue: "...Anna was not even apart of the world." In this sentence, the word "apart" should be changed to "a part." The word "apart" means to be separated, whereas "a part" means "a piece." 

- Chapter 1: "Fathers been on my case a lot more recently." This sentence means to say how Anna's father has been on her case, which means that the word should have an apostrophe: "Father's." Without the apostrophe, "fathers" would be plural, which makes the reader feel as if multiple fathers have been on Anna's case. 

- Chapter 1: "...while I was too stuck in my societies rules to truly do much." This contains the same sort of mistake as the one mentioned above. In this case, the word should be "society's" in order to refer to society. The word "societies," is plural, which makes it seem as if Anna is referring to multiple societies. 

- Chapter 1: "I could only make our two large men..." Just a minor typo here; I assume the word that you intended to use was "out" (I make this mistake all the time). 

- Chapter 1: "I was not crying out of fear no longer..." The use of two negative words "not" and "no" makes the sentence's meaning positive. In order to maintain the same point, there should only be one negative word. In this case, it could be changed to "I was not crying out of fear any longer..." 

- Chapter 2: "They had also trimmed my previously very long air to be..." Just another small typo here. The sentence seemed to be referring to Anna's long hair.

One thing that I think could be changed in order to make the story easier to read is the overall format. The text in your story is centered, but you may want to align it on the left. This just follows the formal formatting rule for writing, and I find it easier to follow when the text is aligned left. 

The story is quite descriptive, yet it is also beautifully simple. The story is written from Anna's point-of-view, and she does an excellent job of outlining the events in her life and how she ended up where she is today. In Chapter 1, the descriptions are thorough and entertaining, and the audience can vividly picture Anna's town, her clothing, etc. The dialogue also fits the setting very nicely. One thing I particularly enjoyed is how realistic the story seems to be, aside from the fact that Anna never ages. I think it's interesting to read about the role of women in the early 1900s and how Anna was treated.

The only part of the story that I felt was a bit unrealistic was Anna's reaction to when she was told that she would likely die. She seemed uncomfortable, but she didn't seem as terrified as most people would. I also don't entirely understand how Mafalda, a seemingly sweet lady, is worried about Anna getting hurt, but not really worried about her dying due to the operation. 

The characters are all developed very well, especially since the story is only two chapters long (so far). The audience understands Anna's attitude, and you even gave a clear description of her family members. The readers also begin to hate Henry and John, but we appreciate Mafalda's kindness towards Anna. The character development contributes greatly to the flow of the story and how the audience feels while reading. 

Overall, I really enjoyed the story so far. It is mentioned that Anna is held in captivity for many years, so I am very excited to read more about her experience and how she escapes. The story is very nicely thought-out and it seems that you put a lot of time into planning it!

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