Chapter 5 - time

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POV Mao

A month later

*

Bryant went to Miami the morning after our first pizza diner.

Since then I've met up with the twins every monday and Friday night at the neon pizzeria. James joined us two times and Bryant only once because he has so much work to do lately.

I've learned to know Grayson and I think he is a true friend now.
Ethan on the other hand don't talk much. He his very secretive and don't like to talk about himself. At least not with me.
Maybe he hates me, I really have no idea. He is always quiet and extremely shy, even if Grayson says he is absolutely not like that in real life.

One thing I've also noticed about Ethan is that he is always well dressed and his hair is always on point. Its like he never has a bad day. Grayson can hang out with me in a pair of sweat pants and a old hoodie with his hair a mess, but Ethan ?

Never.

Every time I try to talk to him, in order to know him better, he start been shy and he never looks at me in the eyes.

Grayson said that I have to give him time.

*

Yesterday Grayson texted me and said that if I wanted I could come to his and Ethan's warehouse to hand out. I've never been there so I'm kind of nervous.
Of course I have seen their YouTube videos when they are in here, but I feel like if I go in with them I'd be usurping their privacy.
I don't like being too much.

Grayson told me it was fine and that I could just come tomorrow and maybe help them for Tuesday's video.
Obviously it would be amazing, but I'm nervous.

Also I have an appointment at the hospital in the morning. Hopefully I will be strong enough to go to the warehouse later, I don't want the twins to think that I'm weak or that I make excuses just to not hang out with them.

Dad told me to take my time, he told me that I'm not forced to tell the twins about my leukemia, that it was my decision.

But what if I don't tell them ?

What if one day I have a problem while I'm with them and they have no idea how to act ?
What if I die tomorrow ?

That's precisely why I refused myself to make any friends in New York.
Hurting my family was already too much for me, so hurting friends is unthinkable.

So what do I do ?

Be selfish and go to the warehouse tomorrow, don't say anything to the twins about my disease and just live life like there's nothing's going on ?

Or tell them and face the consequences ?

Maybe if I go to the warehouse it'll be easier to talk to Ethan. Maybe in places where he is familiar with he open up more, hopefully.

Even if we don't talk or anything, I feel like I need to, it's a really weird feeling. I feel like I need to be around him.
Because whenever I'm with him, I'm calm, I feel good. Even sometimes I forgot that I'm sick.

Ethan takes all the place in my mind. He is all I can think about.

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