When three idiots spent a day without a ghost

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This is the epilogue. :)


It was Saturday morning at the three guys' apartment. The place felt very empty without their weightless and intangible roommate around. Skyler sat alone in the living room, sipping a cup of tea whilst staring at the only remaining ghost in the house, Mop. He vowed that the plush doll would always have a secure spot on the sofa in honor of his dearly departed friend.

Archer and Cooper joined Skyler shortly, sitting on either side of him with emotionless faces and swollen eyes. Mr. Sprinkles came around too, though he was his usual angry self. He was particularly angrier this morning, groaning, "There's too much fucking dick in this house. There needs to be a female slave to set the balance, namely one who can fucking understand me!"

While Mr. Sprinkles went on with his unheard rant, Archer frowned, remembering the message that was waiting for him the moment he had woken up. Quietly, he informed, "Alex texted me. He said Rags's funeral will be held today."

"We should go," Cooper said, terribly missing his dead friend.

Skyler shook his head. "I don't think that'd be a good idea for any of us, Coops."

"But like why not?"

As much as it pained him, Archer understood where Skyler was coming from. He replied for him, "Funerals are meant for people to have the chance to say their final goodbyes. We already got that chance last night, Coops. I think we should leave the funeral for Rags—no, Ashlyn's family and friends."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, man," Cooper sighed. "Then, like now what?"

Archer shrugged. "We continue on with our lives. That's what Rags would have wanted."

"Hm, I guess I should like start panicking about meeting Margaret tomorrow or whatever," Cooper said, though he didn't know how to feel much of anything at the moment except sadness. "I should get working on her birthday present too. It's in like two weeks."

"That's a good plan," Archer responded encouragingly. He was aware on the few occasions Cooper was ever down, the one thing that managed to bring him back up was his art.

"I think I'm going to just sculpt my butt after all."

This, however, Archer couldn't exactly encourage. "You should trust me on this one, Coops. I'm gay and better understand girls. Margaret will appreciate it more if you sculpted something personal to her, like her face perhaps."

At the mention of face, Cooper instantly got an idea. "Oh, then how about I—"

"Don't put her nose on her forehead."

"Damn, how'd you know I was about to say that?"

"I know you too well at this point."

The two long-term friends' conversation was interrupted by Skyler's phone ringing from a call. Recognizing the name and number, he picked up. "Hello? ... Yeah, of course I remember you."

Archer and Cooper could make out a female voice which fueled their surprise to hear Skyler actually remembered a girl he'd met. Although, they did have their initial suspicions and thought it was probably just his little sister, Stella.

After a lengthy pause, Skyler replied, "No worries. And that sounds good. I'll meet you there. See you soon, Samantha."

The instant he hung up, Archer asked, "Who's Samantha?"

"This girl I hooked up with a week ago. She said she was sorry for running out last time." Skyler grinned to himself, recalling the night he'd seen her and what she had witnessed because of Rags. "She also said she's completely cool with you being narcoleptic, Arch."

"Narcoleptic? What's that about?"

"I'll tell you some other time."

Cooper then cut in, "Are we like just going to ignore the fact that for once Sky knows the name of a girl he slept with?"

"Right, I was about to get to that." Archer began clapping. "Congratulations, Sky. You're slightly less of an asshole now."

"Gee, thanks," Skyler replied, rolling his blue eyes. "But I don't know what it was that made me remember her. She's definitely a first. Now that I think about it, maybe it is time for me to pursue a serious relationship."

Archer gasped. "The bad boy player actually pursues a serious relationship?! Wait, that could be a potential story title—"

"Don't use me for one of your stupid cliché novels."

"They are not stupid! And it's your loss, Sky. I'll have you know that every single one of my stories has over a million reads online. Your love could have been enjoyed by thousands of people all across the world."

"I prefer to be the only one to enjoy my girlfriend, if you don't mind." At the word girlfriend, Skyler had a sudden revelation. "I just realized Rags helped all three of us find relationships. Arch, she got you a second date with her brother, and she took over Coops's body to figure things out with Margaret."

"And what about you?" Archer asked.

"If it wasn't for Rags, Samantha would have never called me to apologize and ask for a proper date."

"Oh!" Cooper raised his hand. "Can I like have a moment of realization too?"

Expecting something else relating to Rags, the other two men nodded. But in reality, what Cooper wanted to point out had nothing to do with the subject.

"Okay, this is going to like blow your fucking minds." Cooper paused, making sure he had his friends' full attention. Once he was sure, he said, "All of our names end in er!Cooper, Archer, and Skyler."

Archer passed him a disappointed look. "You just noticed that?"

"No, like there's more! This is some straight up illuminati shit. If you look at our nicknames, it's five letters for Coops, four for Arch, and three for Sky! That also happens to be the order we're standing in on the cover."

Both Archer and Skyler became uncomfortable at where Cooper had ultimately taken his supposed illuminati theory. Archer carefully said, "C-Cover? What cover, Coops? There is no cover..."

"Uh, yeah, there is, Arch. It's in the introduction chapter—"

Skyler nudged Cooper's side to shut him up, his face full of worry.

"Wait, was that like one of the things we aren't allowed to talk about?"

Archer replied, "We're not allowed to know about those kinds of things. Don't you remember what happened the last time we broke the fourth wall?"

Cooper juggled through his horrible memory but eventually did recall piece by piece the punishment he and his friends had once received. The hard metal chairs...the wasabi...the ten-hour long movie marathon of a magic boy who wiggles around his wood to defeat the no-nose no one knows...

At the end of his flashback, Cooper could only let out a short and regretful, "Ah."

Shuddering, Archer remarked, "Yeah, none of us want to go through that torture ever again. We need to listen to what our creator said. We're simply three idiots..."

"And a ghost!"

Archer's eyes widened. "Did you guys just hear that?"

"It's Rags!" Cooper excitedly jumped up from the sofa and searched around the room for his ghost friend. However, she wasn't anywhere in sight, and she didn't say anything more.

Skyler added, "I heard her too."

Archer felt Rags hadn't totally left everyone after all. She was watching over them from some faraway place. This gave him newfound reassurance. Smiling, he said, "Yup. We're simply three idiots and a ghost."

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