A Little Bit of Joy

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Author: wigglysubu

Genre: Teen Fiction/Romance

The cover photo is appealing, but I find that the font makes the story look like a stereotypical Wattpad romance book rather than a unique Teen Fiction book. I think it could be done a bit more professionally so that it fits with the lovely story.

The title fits the story spectacularly in two different ways. Joy, the main character, is currently battling cancer, and the other characters are each positively impacted by her presence. The title is related to this because they each experience a bit of Joy's friendship. Secondly, the title explains how people can find bits of joy in life in different ways. It is also inspiring to see how the main character lives with such enthusiasm, despite her condition.

Your vocabulary is great and you clearly explain the characters' physical appearances and actions. The only thing I suggest you add are some additional details on the setting. I have an image of the flower shop in my head, but it is not explained how the shop is organized, how it smells, etc. This puts a limit on my imagination.

One grammar mistake that I observed is in Chapter 3 where you wrote: "How more detestable could I be?" The sentence didn't flow and it made me take a double-take. It seems to be missing a word, which gave the sentence an awkward jump when I read over it. I feel that it would fit better if it were changed to "How much more detestable could I be?"

Later in Chapter 3 I noticed a misuse of the word "himself:" "I tried to feed him lies and make himself believe that I would survive just to keep him going..." Because it is Joy who is speaking, the word should be "him."

You also wrote: "His charcoal colored eyes had lost it's tinge of deep blue sparkle over the years as he scanned my pleading expression." In this sentence, I noticed two minor mistakes. First, there is a misplaced modifier, which makes the sentence sound as if the grandfather were looking into Joy's eyes for years and she was watching the blue sparkle fade from them. Instead, you could fix this mistake by simply separating the sentence into two simple sentences: "His charcoal colored eyes had lost it's tinge of deep blue sparkle over the years. He scanned my pleading expression." The second mistake that I noticed is regarding word agreements. The word "eyes" is plural, yet you wrote "it's" when describing them (singular).

In Chapter 4, your first paragraph is a bit awkward: "The pot of sapling slipped through Logan's hands and crashed into tiny, million pieces, the mud scattering on the floor." I suggest that you change this sentence to something like "...crashed into a million tiny pieces, the mud scattering on the floor," which would sound a bit smoother to your readers.

Later in Chapter 4, I also saw inconsistent tenses within the dialogue: "Thank God my grandpa isn't here or you'll be fired right away." The sentence says that Logan will be fired right away rather than Logan would be fired right away if Joy's grandpa had seen his mistake.

I think the story maintains a very consistent and exciting pace. The first chapter already made me feel a great amount of adrenaline, and the story successfully held my attention throughout. Each chapter contains a perfect amount of suspense and they link perfectly to each other. The pace of the story is steady, and it never gets overwhelmingly exciting or dull. I think the string of events is nicely planned and the reader never loses interest. It is obvious that many readers also find it as appealing as I do, based on the 1.7k votes (well deserved)! There's no denying that you are an amazing writer and that your stories are attention-grasping!

One detail that I suggest you add in are the characters' names. If it weren't for the face claims at the beginning of the story, I wouldn't have known the names of the characters for several chapters. By adding the names of the characters early on, the audience can begin to see the characters as people. It is difficult to address and relate to the characters if the readers don't know their names.

The face claims match the characters' personalities and attitudes incredibly well, and the characters are quite likable. Jamal and Joy both have an entertaining sense of humor, and Joy is very sincere and empathetic towards others. This makes her seem sweet and caring, and she is understanding and able to connect with other people. I think her character is beautifully presented in the first chapter and the audience feels compassion towards her.

The only thing I find to be a bit unrealistic is how Joy can so easily read and see through people. For example, in Chapter 3, how did Joy guess that Logan worked at the department store down the road? He could have been fired from any job, so I am curious to understand why she assumed that he was fired from a specific store. Additionally, why was Joy so quick to forgive Logan? He stole flowers from her shop and he acted very rudely towards her when she quite literally saved his life. Why does she believe any of his promises in the beginning of the story? Why does she trust him?

I found the story to be very touching and sweet, even having only read the first 5 chapters (so far). I am planning on continuing the story to see how Joy's and Logan's live's continue! Anybody who enjoyed reading The Fault in Our Stars will love this story!

*Analysis is based on the first 5 chapters.

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