Genre: Teen Fiction
The cover is attention-grasping and it makes your readers wonder what is to come from your story. I don't entirely understand how the gun in the cover photo is related to the story, but I assume that I have not yet read far enough to make the connection. However, I can partially link the cover to the story through the blurb. The title also matches the story in the same way.
Your vocabulary is spectacular and the scene is well-described. I could clearly picture each of the characters and the setting around them. The little descriptions that were threaded throughout the story, such as "Speaking of security, this place seemed to be crawling with them," made the story much more intense and attention-grasping.
I noticed a section in Chapter 3 that was unclear in terms of who was speaking. "Er, hi. Layla." It looks like it is Layla who says this, but it sounds as if it should be somebody else saying hello to her. This section in particular is just a bit confusing and difficult to understand who is speaking.
I also spotted some missing punctuation throughout the story, which resulted in run-on sentences. For example: "Upon opening the door to her dormitory she couldn't help but feel amazed at the design of the room." To make this a complete sentence with proper pauses, you may want to add a comma right after the word "dormitory" (Chapter 3).
Something else that I think you should keep an eye out is capitalizing brand names. In the first few chapters, it is mentioned many times that Layla wears Converse shoes. However, the words "converse" and "converses" are never capitalized. Because this is the name of a shoe brand, the words should be capitalized.
In Chapter 4, you wrote "She didn't have time to question this however because that was when the person she'd been avoiding for the past day came into view." The only reason that I noticed this was because the word "however" seems to be misplaced and unnecessary. The word puts an awkward pause in the sentence and makes the audience take a glance back at it. The sentence would flow much more smoothly if the word "however" were removed. I noticed this again later in Chapter 4: "She didn't have the time to think about this however since the moment Cassandra set the work and stopped speaking..."
The first chapter is already very drawn-out and suspenseful. I love the speed of the story, and the scene is very clearly-described. By ending the first chapter with "She had survived worse," the audience is already looking forward to reading about Layla's life and what is to happen in the future.
The lengths of the chapters are perfect. They each contain plenty of information and they end in a way that draws the reader into the next chapter!
The story seems very thought-out and well-developed as a whole. I am impressed by the details that are included and the small twists that are scattered throughout the story. One element that particularly draws me in is how Layla's traveling is constantly mentioned. The audience knows that she is a singer, and this really makes your readers wonder what her life was like and why she ended up where she is now. This made me want to continue reading so that I could find the answers to her background and secrets.
I enjoy how the relationships between characters build up over time. Many stories are very abrupt and the audience doesn't get the chance to understand the characters very well. The characters in your story are all mysterious in their own ways and the relationships between them are very deliberate. I also enjoy how the character's lives unravel over time. It gives the reader time to absorb their lifestyles while simultaneously giving you the time to add more details.
The characters' personalities are very clearly explained through the use dialogue and direct descriptions. In chapter two, I could already picture Rosaline's enthusiasm. The characters' physical appearances are also clearly explained. In the first chapter, I already had a vivid image of Layla in my mind.
I especially liked how each of the électi are introduced individually. I often see writers introducing so many characters with very few details, which makes the stories very hard to keep up with. You clearly describe the personalities and looks of each électi, which allows the reader to effortlessly follow the story along.
I particularly enjoy the dialogue that the characters use. They don't use any exaggerated words or phrases that commonly make interactions seem unusual or awkward in stories. They each speak normally and have their own opinions, which makes them relatable.
The characters are overall very likable. They each have their own personalities and Layla has a fun, dry sense of humor. I also love her sassy comebacks; she's very quick and smart about what she says! Obviously some characters are disliked by the audience, but you knowingly developed them in order to draw this reaction from your readers.
I am generally not too inclined to continue reading a Teen Fiction story after I have reviewed it, but yours is truly exceptional. It is obvious that you have spent lots of time planning and writing your story so that it becomes the best that it can be. I really am excited to continue reading your story and understand how the adventure unravels!
*Analysis is based on the first 5 chapters