Daggers | r.a.b

panic

[daggers - part one]
[3rd]
 
 

  She leaned against the wall of the Gryffindor common room, waiting for Lily to come out, but her mind was elsewhere.

    She thought about the previous night, when she found Regulus in the Astronomy Tower, crying over a threatening letter his mother had sent him. Over the last year, they had grown a bit farther, but every time they met they understood each other just as perfect as the last.

    Her waist still tingled from his touch, when he had hugged her, letting her head rest in his lap as she whispered comforting words to him. It was electric, something she had never felt before.

    Was it possible that she actually felt something more than friendship for Regulus Black?

    It might- just might- be a possibility. All her life she had never been understood, never been treated like- like an- like an equal. She had never been able to experience happiness like others.

   But that was before he came along.

   Regulus Black was like a blessing. He was quiet and kind and gentle and just overall wonderful. He came along when she was outcast and troubled and he took her in under his wing. He didn't know what she went through- she hadn't told him in fear he would overreact and hate her, but his presence just warmed her to the heart. Sure, they had their moments, like back in second year when he stood back while she stood up for Lily, but she could never stay mad at him, she cared too much to stay angry.

    He was like an elder brother to her. More than James or any other had ever been. He seemed to have replaced James, who took pleasure in humiliating her, as the brother she never had, and she looked to him for support, even though she felt guilty every time for holding such a secret away from him.

    She jolted from her thoughts as Lily elbowed her. "What's up? You were zoning out. Are you okay?"

    She smiled faintly in respond to show that she was fine, that Lily didn't need to worry, though she had every reason to. She was glad that Lily, though she didn't understand her suffering, understood her personality and understood that she was quiet and didn't prefer talking. She was glad that Lily welcomed Regulus even though he hadn't stopped his friends from bullying her, that she didn't hold it against him for not doing anything or her for befriending Regulus.

    Lily had even warmed up to the idea of becoming friends with Regulus when Severus, her ex-friend, had called her the m-word, and Regulus had used his extensive power as a member of the 'Noble and Most Ancient House of Black' to pay him back somehow. No one knew how, but one day Snape ended up in the hospital wing after he opened a letter with a peculiar seal that looked like a mass of writhing snakes, which shot a couple of hexes at him.

    "Oi! Evans!" James. Her 'sibling', that no longer acted like one. The thought alone was enough to drive her into tears, as James was the only one who knew of what she used to go through before Hogwarts, and now he had betrayed her.

    "What a pleasure," Lily said sarcastically, her cheery, bright mood disappearing in a flash. "What do you want, Potter?"

    As James went after Lily, she tried to escape, only for him to spot her out of the corner of his eye. "Where are you going now, sister?" His words nearly provoked her tear ducts, but forced them down.

    "Here we go again," she heard Sirius Black mutter, "don't know what he sees in her, we're wasting time."

    She knew that Sirius was just jealous of her old bond with James that was about to break apart, but that didn't stop her from being hurt and the tears rolling silently down her cheeks.

    "She's crying, James! Don't waste our time!" Sirius jeered at her, though she detected a hint of bitterness in his voice. But the thing that hurt her most was his next comment.

    "Look, James, let's not, she's just a pathetic, worthless little girl, look at her cry!"

    Triggered.

    All she could see was memories from the past, ones that she tried desperately to forget, consuming her and burying her.

    She didn't hear Lily call her frantically, didn't see James' shocked look at his best mate, didn't see the regret on his face. All she could see and hear was her mistress jeering at her, calling her names and abusing her.
Coward, you silly girl!
Pathetic
Burdening
Stupid
Hateful

   She drowned in the middle of it all, screaming for it to stop, as she was reliving all the pain she had ever felt all at once. But they didn't- they brutally tore her apart, making her believe in those insults she was called so often.
That she
was
Worthless
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